A reporter strives to discover the reason behind a superstar’s disappearance in an enthralling novel about the mysteries of love and success by a New York Times bestselling author.
Intrigued? Read on to discover the synopsis and an excerpt from This Song Is About Me by Melissa de la Cruz, which releases on April 21st 2026.
It was a night to remember. Ryan Holding, the most famous pop star in the world, won every music award imaginable at the industry’s highest event. She exited the stage to thunderous applause…then disappeared off the face of the earth.
Six years later, her social media accounts remain untouched. Her band has broken up. Her Malibu estate sits quiet. And billions of obsessed fans still ask: Whatever happened to Ryan Holding?
Amid theories, suspicions, and rumors, reporter Elyse James wants the truth about the girl who poured her heart into every song she wrote. As Elyse searches through the stories of Ryan’s life, from those willing to talk―her best friend, a childhood teacher, and Ryan’s first love among them―a portrait of a flesh-and-blood icon begins to emerge. So do clues to a mystery that has captivated the world.
Did Ryan disappear to find herself? Or did someone deliberately make Ryan disappear? The answers are the stuff of legend.
PROLOGUE
Amid the glitz and glamour of MTV’s Video Music Awards in New York City on a balmy night in late August of 2018, international pop icon Ryan Holding disappeared off the face of the earth.
Many people talked with Ryan that night. Audiences all over the world saw her sit regally as she always did, in an electric-blue blazer that matched her startling eyes, with diamonds on the shoulders and a signature red lip as she applauded the other artists with her wry smile.
At precisely 10:17 p.m. Eastern time, Ryan ascended the stage of Radio City Music Hall to accept the award for Video of the Year, which officially made her the most-awarded female artist in MTV history.
The video that had earned her the honor, “Hear Me Now,” played on the enormous screen behind her as she addressed the crowd. It was a visual feast—vaudeville costumes interspersed with hypnotic modern dance, nods to old Hollywood and early cinematography all set across a lush set that captured the timeline of her career, from her bluegrass roots to her cross-genre collaborations to her most recent achievements in Los Angeles.
Ryan stood at the microphone with her silver astronaut trophy in her hands. Some have said she looked sad in that moment; others have named her expression as resolute.
Still others, scared.
“I can’t tell you all what this means to me,” she said. Her voice had long since lost its rural Massachusetts accent, but a hint of it seemed to creep back into her a’s. “Every day, I find it hard to believe this life is mine. But I hope—I hope it’s all been worth it.”
She stared into the crowd for a moment—seven silent seconds, to be exact—as she stood before them.
It’s a moment that has been analyzed by fans, conspiracy theorists, discussion boards, and journalists alike. What was she thinking? Was she looking at someone? Was she on something? About to say something else? For those seven seconds, it seemed that all of Radio City Music Hall held its breath.
Then Ryan shook her head and said, “Thank you, New York. Thank you.”
She descended the stage to thunderous applause.
And then she disappeared.
It was an event with cameras everywhere—mine included. As a celebrity photojournalist, I’d run in the same circles as Ryan; I’d seen her rise to fame and photographed her peers.
But despite all the press and red-carpet clamoring before, during, and after the event, I was the only one to capture Ryan’s photo as the crowds were leaving. The photo. The one of Ryan amid the music industry’s finest, framed against the curved stairs of Radio City’s grand lobby, looking back over her shoulder.
I happened to catch her right as she was looking toward the camera. I’ll always be proud of that.
She’s going down to the lower level, not up or out, in the photo—counter to the current of people moving toward the exits.
No one knows where she went after that.
In the six years that have passed since the 2018 VMAs, Ryan Holding has not been seen in the public eye. Her social accounts remain in place, untouched. Her band has broken up. Her Malibu estate sits quiet.
Was it foul play? A publicity stunt? A conspiracy?
Nobody seems to have the answer.
***
What follows is the first comprehensive published study of Ryan’s life and career up to the point of her disappearance, through the eyes of key witnesses to her fame: childhood friends, ex-lovers, colleagues, media personnel, bandmates, producers—even Ryan herself, through her myriad and well-documented media appearances, interviews, documentaries, and original content.
By following the firsthand accounts of those who scorned and worshipped her alike, in their own words, I hope to create a portrait of Ryan that goes far beyond the public-facing character she presented to her fans and to shed light on what could have happened to her in the final moments of her fame.
Even casual fans of Ryan will be familiar with the fact that she was somewhat of a mastermind with a proclivity for symbolism and clues placed carefully for her fans to find.
While my work in this project draws heavily on what internet sleuths and Ryan’s devoted fandom, the Ryde-or-Dies, have already made clear, I will also document the evidence in Ryan’s final VMA video in the hopes that it will provide the answers to our many, many questions.
Because something tells me she wants to be found.
And I intend to find her.
Excerpted from This Song is About Me: A Novel by Melissa de la Cruz. © 2026 Published by Little A, April 21, 2026. All Rights Reserved.
