Where I Can’t Follow by Ashley Blooms has an intriguing premise. In the community of Blackdamp County in Kentucky, ‘doors’ have appeared for generations to people. Only those who get a door can see it and walk through it if they wish. What happens when one walks through the door is not explored, however, the tension of whether one should take the door and walk into an unknown life, hoping it to be better than the current situation, is looked at through an emotional and personal lens.
Maren Walker is a young girl living with her grandmother. Her mother, Nell, walked through her door when Maren was nine, and life has not been easy. Her grandma has started to develop dementia, schooling can no longer be a priority and all her time goes to work. She isn’t making enough money to support her education and her grandma’s health. On top of that, there is trauma and feelings of abandonment since her mom left. These are things they don’t talk about at home anymore.
As Maren struggles to make ends meet while balancing her grandma’s wishes of keeping her illness a secret from the rest of the family, Maren’s very own door appears. She starts to think about her mom and wants to learn about what happened and why she left. In revisiting her mother’s old friends, she starts to remember the past in a new light. Where I Can’t Follow tries to tackle many hard questions including what it means to keep going, why we behave the way we do towards our kids, what being in control means and how we face adversities in life.
Maren has an engaging point of view. She is young but she is very well aware of the mistakes her mother made and the expectations her grandma has of her actions. She is a loving granddaughter who would do anything to keep her grandma happy. I loved her relationship with Julie, who is practically her soul sister. They know when something is up with the other person and though they are still figuring out to read each other and trust each other when times are tough, their childhood friendship is a key relationship in the book. Carver and Maren’s relationship speaks to the early years of adulthood when people are still figuring themselves out while figuring out each other. I found them to be sweet and would have actually liked to see their romance develop more.
While it is heartbreaking to read about a young woman supporting her grandmother and giving her school to make money, those are the realities for a lot of people. The unfairness of the situation does not make it disappear and though Maren’s story, I learned a lot. Ashley Blooms does not shy away from exposing this reality to the reader. The world she creates is a harsh one with tough situations. Where I Can’t Follow wasn’t the book I imagined it to be about. For someone looking for a literary fiction that addresses hard themes like living paycheque to paycheque and what it means to be a young caregiver, this book is a thought provoking read. From other reviews I have read on Goodreads, for example, the one by Kelly Ward, the book represents life in Appalachia well. I personally do not know much about the area or community and cannot speak to the accuracy in this review.
Where I Can’t Follow made me wonder from the synopsis as well as the storyline itself about the metaphor that the door represents. The way the characters and the world is set up, the door is an escape, an unknown potential to be a lot better than what the present is. It could also be seen as symbolising death because once someone passes through their door, no one ever hears from them again. Through Maren and the experiences of the people who have interacted with doors, Where I Can’t Follow beautifully portrays the tug of war between wanting to go and being unable to leave. Life isn’t supposed to be a plateau, it has its ups and downs. This book explores what makes life worth it and the role relationships and support systems play in everyday living, no matter how hard everyday living may be.
Where I Can’t Follow is available from Amazon, Book Depository, and other good book retailers, like your local bookstore, as of February 15th 2022.
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Synopsis | Goodreads
Walk through the door and leave all your problems behind…but you don’t know what’s on the other side. And once you leave, you’ll never come back. Will you go through?
Maren Walker told herself she wouldn’t need to sell pills for long, that it was only means to an end. But that end seems to be stretching as far away as the other side of Blackdamp County, Kentucky. There’s always another bill for Granny’s doctor, another problem with the car, another reason she’s getting nowhere.
She dreams of walking through her little door to leave it all behind. The doors have appeared to the people in her mountain town for as long as anyone can remember, though no one knows where they lead. All anyone knows is that if you go, you’ll never come back.
Maren’s mother left through her door when Maren was nine, and her shadow has followed Maren ever since. When she faces the possibility of escaping her struggles for good, Maren must choose just what kind of future she wants to build.
From critically acclaimed author Ashley Blooms, Where I Can’t Follow explores the forces that hold people in place, and how they adapt, survive, and struggle to love a place that doesn’t always love them back.
Content Notes include depiction of substance abuse, suicidal thoughts, depression, death of parent, dementia, mental health.
