A must-read for fans of unusual narrative styles, Eliza Jane Brazier’s If I Disappear is a unique story, featuring unique characters, and told in a truly unique way. It’s the type of book that surprisingly reappears in your subconscious long after you have finished it.
Sera is an avid listener of true crime podcasts, but when Rachel, the host of her favourite podcast suddenly goes missing, Sera believes that she alone has the instincts and ability to find Rachel. As the story builds, it starts to seem like Sera not only believes she can find Rachel, but that she needs to find Rachel – perhaps more for herself than even for Rachel.
Based on what Sera believes are “clues” Rachel has given throughout her podcast episodes, Sera goes to Rachel’s hometown and even starts working at Rachel’s family’s remote, isolated horse ranch. Though she starts out believing she is in control of her investigation, Sera soon comes to realise she is in a strange, unfamiliar world. She realises there are many details that Rachel never mentioned and there is clearly much more to the story than Sera ever anticipated.
Brazier has Sera tell this story in a mostly stream-of-consciousness format, and entirely in second person as if she is telling the story to Rachel and keeping her apprised of the investigation status. It is a bit disconcerting at first, as we read so few books written in second person, but soon Sera’s constant use of “you” starts to give the reader the feeling of being personally involved in the events of the story. It gets easy to forget she is talking to Rachel and think, “she is talking to me!” This type of intimacy with the main character would never have been as effective any other way.
We also see Sera’s almost encyclopaedic knowledge of Rachels’ podcast as she frequently refers back to specific episodes in order to draw conclusions about current events that are happening. Some readers may find this a bit distracting as obviously we have never heard any of these episodes of this non-existent podcast.
There are also characters that ultimately are important to the story, but personally I never felt like we were given enough information to understand who they really were, or what their motivations were.
The book’s ending will likely be much debated. Without getting into any spoilers, I will say that it is the ending that I have found myself thinking back on frequently since finishing the book. That is the part that I find myself wanting to dissect and reexamine all over again, and I think it’s always a positive when a book just will not quite let go.
If I Disappear is available from Amazon, Book Depository, and other good book retailers, like your local bookstore.
Will you be picking up If I Disappear? Tell us in the comments below!
Synopsis | Goodreads
When her favorite true crime podcast host goes missing, an adrift young woman plunges headfirst into the wild backcountry of Northern California and her own dangerous obsession.
Sera loves true crime podcasts. They make her feel empowered in a world where women just like her disappear daily. She’s sure they are preparing her for something. So when Rachel, her favorite podcast host, goes missing, Sera knows it’s time to act. Rachel has always taught her to trust her instincts.
Sera follows the clues hidden in the episodes to an isolated ranch outside Rachel’s small hometown to begin her search. She’s convinced her investigation will make Rachel so proud. But the more Sera digs into this unfamiliar world, the more off things start to feel. Because Rachel is not the first woman to vanish from the ranch, and she won’t be the last…
Rachel did try to warn her.
Picked up the book and loved it!!! I want to go back to Happy Camp and get lost in the deep woods of Northern California. Book did not disappoint and I was hooked on the car ride to camp.