Amelia Applebaum isn’t in love with Walter Holland—just mildly obsessed with the charmingly chaotic, semi-famous YouTuber she impulsively invited to prom. (It’s fine. She deleted the post.)
Sure, her friends think it’s a parasocial crush, but Amelia is convinced they’d hit it off—if only she could meet him. So when Walter announces a nearby meet-and-greet, Amelia ropes her best friends into a road trip for one last adventure before graduation. Even Natalie, her newly single, guitar-strumming bestie with a serious side-eye for romance, agrees to come along.
But somewhere between playlists, pit stops, and emotional detours, Amelia starts to wonder: What if her butterflies aren’t for Walter after all?
“We’re living so many moments at once, Amelia. So many.”
The thing is…I think this is Becky Albertalli’s most profound work yet?
Don’t get me wrong I love all of her books and Simon vs. The Homo-Sapiens Agenda will forever be my favourite for a multitude of reasons, but this one? I feel like I learned so much about myself while reading it.
This feels like an in-depth study in parasocial relationships wrapped up in a fast-paced, unputdownable road trip story.
Amelia is an incredible character to follow. Her mind is wonderfully wild, with leaps of thoughts and witty quips that make the book fly by. And while there is a plethora of things to say about the fun friend group, the slow-burn friends to lovers romance arc that’s sure to make you scream “would you just kiss already”, for me, this story was truly about being a fan and just how much of your life can be influenced by it.
You know when you read a book that portrays fandom and shipping and thinks it’s super accurate when it’s actually so cringe and over the top you lowkey want to jump out of a window to escape it?
Yeah, no, Amelia, If Only is the exact opposite of that.
I love how real Amelia’s obsession with Walter felt. As a reader, you get insights into how she sees Walter as a friend even though she has never met him precisely because his videos have shaped so much of her own queer experience and how it helped her feel not only understood but seen. On top of that, you also get to see the wild fandom following Walter through YouTube transcripts and social media threads and comment sections—and later on, when you meet the man of the hour, even how he feels about the spotlight and the notoriety that comes with it.
Fandom (and shipping and conspiracy theories and literally everything that makes being part of fandoms so great) is portrayed so realistically that, in the right hands, this book could change the way you view being a fan, re-evaluate your own actions and where the line is between getting invested in someone’s art that they share with the world…and thinking you have a right to comment on their personal lives – and why you shouldn’t cross that line.
Because—as Albertalli flawlessly shows here—there is a line, though it might as well be a dot to some people because they’re so far removed from it (if you get that reference, we can be friends).
We all love to be part of fandoms, but this book also reminds us that we only ever see a part of someone’s life, not who that person is entirely and how it affects them when we treat them like commodities—and leave comments that should maybe have stayed thoughts inside your own head.
One thing that has me so excited is that I’m one hundred percent certain that every reader will think of different examples whenever Amelia is spouting her profound truths about fandom and questioning her own actions. Whether that’s a debate that’s spanned for years in media or something super niche in the ice skating fandom that’s only discussed in random Reddit threads, I bet a variety of fandom moments will come to mind—which makes this book feel interactive and resonant in the best of ways.
In the age of forced coming outs, guessing games in comment sections of stars and social media exploits in general, Amelia, If Only provides a succinct, devastatingly accurate yet humorous take on what it means to be a fan – and how the reality of meeting your idols doesn’t always live up to your daydreams.
All that paired with an amazing friends-to-lovers arc, a supportive friend group and the most unhinged and relatable main character makes Amelia, If Only pure art. Whether you’re a long-time fan of Albertalli or just want to dip your toes into a book that’s all about being a fan, this one is not to be missed!
Amelia, If Only is available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Bookshop.org, and other good book retailers, like your local bookstore, as of June 10th 2025.
Will you be picking up Amelia, If Only? Have you read it already? Tell us in the comments below!
Synopsis | Goodreads
Amelia Applebaum isn’t in love with Walter Holland. He just happens to be her favorite moderately famous, chaotically bisexual YouTuber. Who she just happened to invite to prom. (But it’s fine. No, for real. If you delete the post, it didn’t happen.)
Okay, maybe her friends are right: She’s slightly parasocially infatuated. But Amelia just knows sparks would fly—if only she could connect with Walter for real.
If only he would host a meet and greet.
If only it were just a short road trip away.
And if only Amelia could talk her best friends into making it the perfect last hurrah before graduation—even her newly single, always-cynical, guitar-toting best friend Natalie.
One thing’s for sure: All roads lead to butterflies.
But what if Amelia’s butterflies aren’t for Walter at all?
