Guest post from All The Fighting Parts author Hannah V. Sawyerr
Hannah V. Sawyerr is a Sierra Leonean-American poet and storyteller. She was recognized as the Youth Poet Laureate of Baltimore in 2016. Her spoken word has been featured on the BBC’s World Have Your Say program, as well as the National Education Association’s “Do You Hear Us?” campaign. Her written word has been included in gal-dem, Rookie, and xoNecole. She holds a BA in English from Morgan State University and an MFA in Creative Writing from The New School. Sawyerr is an English professor at Loyola Marymount University and lives in Los Angeles, California.
In the vein of Grown and The Poet X, Hannah V. Sawyerr’s All the Fighting Parts is a searing and defiant young adult novel in verse about reclaiming agency after a sexual assault within the church community. All The Fighting Parts releases on September 19th with an excerpt to read after the guest post.
When I first started writing All the Fighting Parts, I knew if I wanted to tell Amina’s story honestly, that it would be a heavy read. The story uses poetry, court transcripts, and text messages to amplify the voice of 16-year-old Amina as she comes forward against her abuser, a popular community figure and pastor. Throughout the novel, Amina’s close relationships are heavily impacted but with the help of her community–including a panty-obsessed best friend–she learns how to reclaim her narrative and sense of self.
Because I knew the nature of Amina’s story would carry a lot of emotional weight, I often relied on humor to carry the reader through the narrative. This particular scene falls about fifty pages into the novel, but it was the first scene in the book I wrote after finishing the opening six pages. The idea of Amina having a best friend who suggests Amina “cuts the cheeks out of her six-pack Walmart panties” because “she needs underwear that flaunts her ass” in case she runs into her boyfriend at the (church sponsored) cookout was funny–and the best kind of absurd to me. I was quite literally in the middle of a Walmart when I had the idea and I laughed to myself and started jotting down lines in the notes app of my phone. I didn’t know exactly how I would incorporate a scene like this into the novel, but when I got home I immediately wanted to write it.
Eventually, the relationship between Amina and her best friend Talia became a lot more nuanced. While Amina and Talia share an incredibly precious and close friendship–close enough to talk about panty choices–I don’t believe any friendship is perfect, and theirs isn’t. As I thought more about their relationship, I wanted to write honestly about some of the ugly and not-so-talked-about parts of high school (and even some adult) friendships. Amina and Talia are two girls who love each other dearly, but still experience bouts of insecurities, comparison, and even jealousy that crop up in friendships from time to time. Despite the occasional hiccups, Amina and Talia love and support each other. They often take turns taking care of one another in times of need. Amina teaches Talia that it’s okay to speak up for yourself and after Amina is assaulted, Talia reminds her that her story is valuable even when Amina struggles to believe so. Their love was at the center of the story before anything else—even before I knew how it was going to be fully shaped on the page.
We often take platonic love for granted. Amina has a fierce community behind her, and while I love the romance Amina shares with her boyfriend and enjoyed writing their relationship, Amina and Talia’s was at times more beautiful and resonated more deeply with me. Like real life relationships, Amina and Talia grow stronger from their mistakes and those lessons keep their friendship thriving. During the lowest moments of our lives, it’s our community–which is often made largely of found family–that holds us up when we cannot hold ourselves. And for Amina, the person who she can always rely on, comes in the form of a panty-obsessed, sometimes oblivious but always, always, well-meaning, best friend named Talia.
Fashionable Friends Like Talia
A fashion-forward friend might ask to pick your outfit for a cookout,
but fashion-forward friends like Talia ask to pick your entire outfit—
including your panties.
Best friends like Talia say:
“You need underwear that flaunts your ass! Not covers it!”
Talia says:
“If you see Deon tonight and you’re in the moment
and you start feeling the conversation,
and you start feeling each other,
you’ll be happy he’s not feeling on your six-pack Walmart panties.”
Says I’ll be thankful she didn’t allow me to wear
underwear the size of a flag marking my uncharted territory.
I tell her,
“Deon said his mom might be working late tonight.”
Besides, just because Deon and I haven’t had sex,
doesn’t mean he hasn’t seen me in my underwear.
I remind Talia I’m not volunteering at any party.
It’s an annual block party,
with every family,
a.k.a every adult,
a.k.a every parent in our community.
Sponsored by a literal church.
But Talia only says:
“Okay, but is it in a church?”
Perfect Panties
Talia’s family has the money for her to believe
the solution to every dilemma is an entirely new outfit.
Says,
“You know if we had a little bit more time,
I could have driven us to the mall to buy you some new clothes–
and some real underwear.”
Sometimes she offers to buy things with her allowance.
Her intentions are always good,
but it’s hard feeling like you’re taking some sort of handout.
Even when I refuse, she just
gives gives gives
I don’t want to be the friend who can only
take take take
So, I always pretend I don’t want it.
“Girl, not everybody is as obsessed with clothes or panties as you are!”
It’s hard knowing as much as I’d like to dress the way she does
I never can because I ain’t got the cash the way she does.
Jealous (I’m Not Supposed to Be)
I know you’re not supposed to be jealous of a friend
and I know it’s worse when you’re jealous of a best friend,
but at times I wish I could trade lives with Talia.
Talia is tall and thin and can work any outfit she owns.
She never has to worry about a bad hair day.
Her hair falls down her back after being straightened
every two weeks by the Dominican-hair-Gods at her aunt’s salon.
Talia has both her parents at home
and both of them would rock the whole world
if anybody tried to hurt her.
Don’t get me wrong.
I know how to walk in a room,
be the loudest person without speaking.
Hips that occupy the space of a small doorway–
I may not be stopping traffic,
but I’m known to make a guy
do a not-so-quick double take.
Deep brown skin that can steal a sold-out show,
the sun serves me as a personal bronzer.
Hair that shrinks in water,
and a self-esteem that grows with my ability
to speak up and call out anyone’s bullshit.
But sometimes it feels like as much as I love the way I look,
I live in a world that doesn’t.
While Talia lives in a world that does.
Sexy… Adjacent.
After rummaging through my clothes
probably looking for a thong she’ll never find, Talia figures
my red romper, faux leather sandals, & plain black pair of panties
are sexy adjacent and will do.
Says I’m “lucky” she doesn’t cut the cheeks out.
That most guys would
“like them better if I would just cut the damn cheeks out!”
I agree to wear the plain black flag panties
(with both cheeks intact)
raising a white flag in surrender.
