Guest post written by author Sara Read
Originally from Washington, DC, Sara Read tried the nine-to-five life for about a nanosecond before moving to rural Virginia to become a flute-maker’s apprentice and traditional fiddle player. Childbirth led her to a career in nursing. A cancer survivor herself, she now has the distinct privilege of caring for cancer patients. She is co-founder of #momswritersclub, a biweekly YouTube and live Twitter chat for writers. Sara lives in Charlottesville, Virginia, with her husband, two teens, a terrier, and three snarky cats. She loves a long run, a long road trip, and a long talk with a friend. Sara’s new book Johanna Porter Is Not Sorry is out now and you can learn more about Sara here.
If Something Got Stolen From You, Steal It Back
Did someone tell you that you couldn’t do it? That you were no good, or worse, average? Were you on the wrong end of misogyny and patriarchy? Did someone steal your power? Well steal it the fuck back.
It helps to have a physical thing to keep you focused. For me, it was a portrait of me that the great Nestor Pinedo (then my lover) painted before he sabotaged my career in a fit of masculine pique. But it doesn’t have to be that literal (or that illegal) A letter will do, a photo, or create some object yourself—a representation of the moment in life when you lost your power. Because right there—you are going to take it back.
Run Away
In my case, I left my apartment and my job and everyone’s expectations and disappeared to the Chesapeake. (In my defense, I was carrying a multimillion dollar painting which wasn’t exactly legally mine. Do not recommend.)
What Run Away really means is claim the space, time, attention, and love you need to do the thing you need to do. Defy roles that confine you. Let someone else do the laundry and make the sandwiches. People might not like it, but fuck them. You go do your work.
Have A Drink
If it’s an emergency: 2 ounces Templeton Rye. Ice if you’ve got it.
If you’ve got time on your hands: 2 ounces rye, 1/2 ounce simple syrup, 1/2 ounce lemon juice, bitters, garnish with a lemon peel. If you get mad, do not throw the glass. That’s your drink! Throw the jar of pickles instead.
Get To Work
Creative work is real work. Let me say it again in case anyone missed it—CREATIVE WORK IS REAL WORK. Put your butt in the chair and do it. It doesn’t have to be a literal chair of course, but do it. Do the work.
You don’t get anywhere by wishing. An idea is nothing more than an empty point in space from which something can start. It goes nowhere until you make it go. And it’s messy, difficult, and emotionally exhausting. You’ll have days where you think you’re a genius, and days when you want to ball it all up and throw it into the bay. Good sex (and maybe starting to fall in love) definitely makes it easier. But my best advice? Do what you need to do to get out of your head. Do the thing. See what happens.
Take Up Space
This one is the hardest and most important of all. As women, we get it all our lives: don’t be challenging, bossy, selfish, loud; be sexy, but otherwise don’t draw attention; don’t offend anyone, think of others, and above all be nice.
I don’t have anything against nice per se, but if you’re going to do what you were called to do, you might break some shit. Maybe on purpose. Even if you’re conflict-averse and a little antisocial like me, you have to give your work room. Lots and lots of room. Only then will you be able to see where it can go.
Get Ready For The Blowback
People might not like this new you. They liked the safe, comfortable, old you. Your kids for instance, or your ex. But tell them the truth. This is the you that you must be. Let them see how much better everything is once they get used to it, and chances are they’ll come around.
And if there is a Pilar Pinedo in your life—a glamorous, powerful woman who has made herself your enemy—then watch your back.
