Guest post written by author Sajni Patel
Sajni Patel was born in vibrant India and raised in the heart of Texas, surrounded by a lot of delicious food and plenty of diversity. She draws on her personal experiences, cultural expectations, and Southern flair to create worlds that center on strong Indian women. Her debut, The Trouble with Hating You, was named to “Best of 2020” lists by Cosmopolitan, PopSugar, and Insider. Find out more about Sajni and her books at SajniPatel.com. First Love, Take Two is out now.
When I was growing up, my family and I didn’t discuss a lot of topics openly, mental health being one of them. I’m not sure if it was due to cultural upbringing, the way my family was, or the times. My parents were immigrants and dealt with intense ups and downs, but they never showed stress. They came from a time and place where mental health didn’t exist, only spiritual and physical health. That was all. Except mental health is very much intertwined with emotional, spiritual, and physical health. There’s a holistic approach to caring for the body, looking at it as a whole and understanding that disregarding one aspect can affect other areas, and that all areas are important. Society is more aware of the implications of neglecting our mental health now more than ever.
I distinctly remember having anything associated with mental health being shunned or glossed over by friends and classmates. Depression? Count your blessings. Anxiety? Deal with it. Stress? It’s just life. Sad? You’re not going through anything that someone else isn’t going through. Lonely? Others have it worse. Ah, yes. Anyone recognize these dismissive responses? Several times, others brushed me off as being a “downer,” “too negative,” a “burden,” and with that came self-esteem issues. A lack of support forced me to keep it all in. Instead I listened and learned and watched as society evolved and fought to snatch away the stigma and normalize the conversation around mental health.
I was never in want of much my entire life. My parents made sure of that. I was introverted but happy most of the time. I was sixteen when I first experienced depression. It wasn’t about anything in particular. Over the years, I’ve experienced depression with deeper grooves. A lot of my depression stems from not feeling good enough. I wasn’t the ideal Indian girl or the best student. I didn’t quite live up to the mark that everyone had set for me. I still deal with this.
In 2020, I experienced the first of several anxiety attacks. I felt as though I was being tossed around like a tiny boat in a stormy sea, unable to control anything and fighting the sensation of being completely overwhelmed as a tidal wave pummeled me. The attack dragged on for days. I’d never felt so helpless. I couldn’t sleep or eat, but I went about life and no one was the wiser. No one…noticed. And that led to depression. It was a vicious cycle. I knew that I needed to talk to someone and maybe everything might feel less intense, but I didn’t do that. Why do we do this to ourselves? This is a question I asked when I created Preeti in First Love, Take Two.
Writing is one of my strongest outlets, but during one of my worst bouts of depression in 2017, I had given up on it. A piece of me had died, and it wasn’t until I could write again that I felt whole. I began writing unapologetically, sharing my feelings and experiences and not allowing anyone to invalidate my pain. There’s a lot of emotion in my books because I use writing as a sort of therapy. It was one of my first steps in dealing with my mental health. And let me tell you, it was the breath I needed. It gave me the strength to stand up for myself. Though, I still have a long way to go.
I’m not confrontational, but I’ve learned to remove myself from toxic relationships and situations, to choose myself first. I’ve practiced communication techniques. I’ve learned to let certain things go, to find inner calm, to surround myself with positivity, to cry when I need to, to let myself feel sad, to say NO and not feel guilty.
Preeti is an extension of myself and had to learn these things, too. Like so many of us, she’s hit by highs and lows daily. She shows us that no matter the age, it’s okay to stop and evaluate the problems in our lives and make changes. She digs into her dark places, but thankfully finds support through loved ones. This is where the romance genre becomes real. Romance readers are extremely intelligent and are juggling a hundred things in their lives. The books they read can be as satisfying as they are thought-provoking. Readers want to relate to the story, and what better way than to have characters who reflect this audience and open the door to “real talk.”
One of my biggest goals with writing is to reach deep into the hearts of readers. I’ve received numerous personal, touching messages from readers who weren’t expecting this sort of depth or a look into “more serious issues” when they picked up my book based on its rom-com cover. They told me how much they saw themselves in Preeti, how they had gone through their own mental health struggles, particularly in the South Asian community, and how my book has helped them to move forward. Some have even taken a page out of Preeti’s book to address the mental health stigma in their relationships and community. Some found themselves asking why Preeti doesn’t seek treatment earlier…only to realize that they themselves are in her shoes.
It’s an incredibly powerful thing to have this sort of impact on people I’ve never met, something I wasn’t expecting. First Love, Take Two is more than just a rom-com to me. It was my outlet, my therapy, and it’s become something similar for many readers. Maybe seeing yourself so openly in the pages of a story can make you feel seen, make you realize that you’re not alone. One reader asked if I’d stepped into her life, right there in Houston, in that community, with these issues…that’s how close it hit home.
On the flip side, many readers who don’t relate to the mental health aspect of the book might just come to understand it better. And that’s one of the great things about reading books that explore diverse topics: it lays the foundation of understanding, which in turn, brings empathy and compassion—connecting us all.
One of the earliest steps of dealing with mental health is starting the conversation. And I’m in awe that Preeti’s story helped others do just that in their own lives. So, let’s talk. Let’s remove the stigma the way Preeti sets out to do. Let’s normalize it, take ownership of it, and be open about it so we can heal just as Preeti learns to do. It’s okay to admit that the first step is hard, because it is. I hope you know that you’re not alone.
