When we last saw Riverdale a few weeks ago, the episode ended with Archie pledging his loyalty to the Lodges. Now, ‘The Hills Have Eyes’ kicks off with a creepy montage of Chic staring at his sister and using his sister’s shower, so Betty clearly needs a break.
Hiram decides to get his daughter out of Riverdale so he can conduct some private business so he offers his teenage daughter and her boyfriend an unchaperoned weekend at their lake house. Hiram doesn’t tell Veronica about his plan, but he does tell Archie. Hiram sets up a meeting in Riverdale with some of the “major New York families” in order to help settle unrest after Papa Poutine’s death. He lets Archie know that Andre will be close by if they need anything and tells him to keep everything between them. Veronica of course invites Betty and Jughead to accompany them as she feels like they need a break too.
While they are all getting ready for their getaway, Cheryl is struggling. Her mother is still working as a prostitute and when Cheryl tries to invite herself to the lake house getaway, Veronica says it is a couples only trip (I think we all felt bad for Cheryl in this episode). Kevin is also struggling and he wants to see Love, Simon with Moose, but he is still hiding in his relationship with Midge.
After Jughead and Betty stop at her house and Chic creepily talks to Jughead, they all head up to the cabin. Cheryl calls Jughead to tell him about Betty and Archie’s kiss, while she also dodges Toni who is trying to help her.
At the cabin, the couples deal with the news in their own way: Archie and Veronica have sex while Jughead and Betty talk it out. He tells her that he’s not mad about the kiss, but he does want to know why Betty didn’t tell him. Right after all of this they hear Veronica’s bed squeaking, to which Jughead asks, “is that their response to everything? Can’t they ever just have a conversation?”—we feel you Jughead.
The group decide to play a board game where Jughead attempts to grill Veronica about the Shadow Lake private community, but Betty shuts it down. Veronica suggests a new activity—the hot tub. There, Veronica admits that the Barchie kiss has haunted her so she has an idea which is basically that she and Jughead should kiss. Jughead for some reason is in and they kiss.
Then the couples separate so Betty can erase the kiss from Jughead’s memory by putting on her ‘Dark Betty’ lingerie. Meanwhile in Archie and Veronica’s room, he is doing push-ups to get his workout in and now it’s their turn to listen to a bed squeaking.
The next morning, Archie is chopping wood when Andre texts him. Archie has no idea that Veronica is watching him, but she follows him into the woods and discovers Andre before storming off to have a girls day. Their day consists of buying stuff at the local store from someone named Cassidy who is super creepy. Meanwhile, Archie spends the day hanging out with Jughead and talking about how their girlfriends kissed (wow typical teens). Archie takes the opportunity to apologise to Jughead about the kiss with Betty while Jughead says that it’s a miracle that the four of them are so close.
By the time the girls come back, Veronica forgives Archie. However, when Jughead gets a call that the Serpents don’t have to leave the trailer park because Hiram bought it, he gets really made and screams at Veronica. Archie convinces him to take the win and they play Monopoly.
Mrs Cooper then calls with an update that Hiram also bought the Riverdale Register and everyone starts yelling at each other. Archie is clueless and says that it isn’t a big deal, but of course it is. Veronica even screams at Betty for her sexual role-playing until everything stops when the cashier from the store shows up with some buddies to rob Veronica.
Archie doesn’t try to fight them and when they ask for Veronica’s wallet she goes upstairs to grab her purse and hits a silent alarm. On the way out, the guy pulls Veronica’s necklace off and Archie gets mad. He chases after the guy and tackles him in the woods when Andre shows up and tells him to leave. Right when he leaves, Archie hears a gunshot and that’s the end of the lake house.
Back in Riverdale, the four sit around a booth at Pop’s and make amends. Archie then pays Hiram a visit, where Hiram asks if Archie is upset that Andre killed the kid, but Archie’s only response is how he regrets that he wasn’t the one who shot the Black Hood. Hiram tells him to never hesitate and gives Archie Veronica’s necklace.
While all of this was happening, the rest of Riverdale went to see Love, Simon. Josie and Kevin meet up and forge a friendship around the fact that their parents are hooking up and ruining marriages. Toni and Cheryl also form an unexpected friendship that ends with Cheryl confiding in Toni at Pop’s after the movie. Cheryl has been inspired to share hers after Simon’s journey so she tells her that everyone thinks she’s loveless, but she was in love once before her mother messed up everything. Her name was Heather and she was her best friend in junior high until Penelope caught them in bed together and she told her daughter that she was “deviant”. Toni tells Cheryl that she’s “sensational” and they hold hands.
At the end of the episode, Jughead takes Betty home and warns her that there’s more than one kind of home invasion and then he leaves her alone with Chic.
Final Thoughts?
This episode was a lot of fun. It had a lot of drama and action like the other episodes but I liked the fun aspect of it at the cabin. But honestly, Veronica and Archie need to cool it with all of the intimacy.
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