Damned If You Do was the type of book that sits with you long after the final page. This was a bold, brave, and brilliant book.
I went into this knowing very little about this book beyond the premise of a queer Buffy the Vampire Slayer meeting Filipino folklore in this horror comedy about a high school stage manager who accidentally sells her soul to a demon. That intersection of folklore and theatrical drama made me want to pick it up and the author, Alex Brown, took me completely by surprise. I was blown away by the strength of this book.
From the very first page, you have an uneasy sense sitting under your skin—that small hum of electricity when the tension begins to build. I liked how Brown manipulated the elements of a typical Faustian tale and imbues it with pathos and nuance. This is no ordinary deal with a devil, this is complicated, layered, and emotionally fraught. Brown ensures that there are tangible stakes here with bloodshed and bodies coming through, as well as the psychological horror wrecked by the manipulation of trauma. You can see the oncoming storm of destruction heading their way and you get totally swept up in its path. The pacing and tension was sublime here, causing you to devour the book and loving every second of it.
A real core focus of this book is a nuanced depiction of the aftereffects of abuse and trauma, which was excellent. Brown pours heart and soul into this, examining the minute ripple effects and the continuing ramifications of the trauma Cordelia faced. These make for some of the most horrifying sequences, which are real gut-punches. Choosing to focus your fantastical, demonic tale in a grounded, fraught and vulnerable story of trauma pays off so well. It gives you that emotional thread to hand on to and I found myself deeply invested in Cordelia and her story. The burden that she carries is immense and working through it to recognise how she should not have to carry it, with emotions redirected in unhealthy places for her, is a story that is so important to tell.
There is a definite focus on the cost of survival and the excruciating choices victims of abuse are often forced to make. That instability and elements of misplaced guilt around her survival are key parts of Cordelia’s character arc. This was easily one of the best parts of the book for me. Cordelia grows as a character so much over the book and her journey really resonated with me. Her quiet strength and drive to survive comes to the forefront, as she grapples with her trauma and learning to find a place where she can live with it. She knows it will not be banished easily, instead there is an acceptance that does not wholly define her.
Also, I loved how Brown wove in elements of Filipino folklore. This is something I knew very little about, but the book made me race off and learn so much more. This is an incredibly rich tapestry of tales that Brown draws on in creative and unexpected ways. The way it informs her narrative voice and character building is wonderful to watch unfold. My inner theatre nerd was also rejoicing with the amount of theatre content in here and Cordelia’s deep love for the artform. This was another outlet for emotional release and catharsis, an oasis of quiet peace (by comparison) in a turbulent world. In addition to this, I also loved the soft, sweet sapphic romance intertwined into the story. This provides such a comforting and heart-warming escape, growing naturally and with instant chemistry that I was invested in.
Damned If You Do is a book that balances heart-wrenching scenes with ones full of love, light, and joy. It embodies that ray of sunshine in the midst of a dark storm.
Damned If You Do is available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other good book retailers, like your local bookstore.
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Synopsis | Goodreads
Queer Buffy the Vampire Slayer meets Filipino folklore in this horror comedy about a high school stage manager who accidentally sells her soul to a demon.
Seven years ago, Cordelia Scott’s abusive father left without a word, and life has been normal ever since. The seventeen-year-old spends her days stage managing the school play (which is going great, if anyone asks), pining over her best friend, Veronica, and failing one too many pop quizzes.
She’s never been sad that her father left, but she knows something is…missing. When her school guidance counselor, Fred, reveals during a session that he’s actually a demon, she learns that something is indeed a piece of her actual soul. Why? She unwittingly made a deal with him to make her father disappear – then bargained to have the memory erased. To make matters worse, Fred is here to make another Help him with a “little” demonic problem, or she’s doomed to spend eternity in Hell with her father.
The deal? Help Fred neutralize a rival demon, who means to do more harm in her hometown than your average demon deal.
