Written by Charlie Johnson
The latest episode of Philly is a real nod to long time viewers as well being a thought-provoking critique on modern feminist culture. Once again, this proves that you don’t need a big budget to make a good show. You just need good writers. But before we get into the nitty-gritty stuff, I need to explain what this title means. Everyone got your notebooks out? It’s time for some Philly history.
Who is Wade Boggs?
For the uninitiated, this episode title doesn’t make much sense. That’s because it’s a throwback to the season ten premiere. The title of that episode was simply The Gang Beats Boggs. The plot involved the regular Gang catching a flight from Philadelphia to L.A. to watch a baseball game. To entertain themselves, they set the challenge of drinking 70 cans of beer just like Wade Boggs (Baseball Hall of Fame Inductee) did himself back in the day. While the gang were shooting to beat his record of 64 beers on a road trip, Boggs himself told Charlie Day on set that he once consumed 107! What a man, what a bladder.
Now that we know how the original went, let’s check out how Dee went in her Ladies Reboot.
It’s the Exact Same Thing, But with Women
Dee, in another harebrained scheme to prove that she is better than the guys, buys plane tickets for Artemis, The Waitress, Charlie’s mum, Mac’s mum, and herself to fly to L.A. for a women’s rally. Her real intention to have a second attempt at the Wade Boggs challenge and compete against her fellow ladies. Artemis (who was Frank’s lover at one point) doesn’t like the idea as it’s boring a derivative for empowered women to be doing the same stuff as the guys. The Waitress suggests that they should be trying to break the record of some woman who was famous for heavy drinking. And so, the game begins.
You Can Lead a Horse to Beer and Force It to Drink
Mac’s mum is the most lively we’ve ever seen her. For someone who always grunts from behind a lit cigarette, spouting racist profanity is the most anyone has heard her say. As it turns out, eating an entire box of nicotine patches instead of wearing them, will do that to a person. In order to keep her busy (and quiet) Dee makes her Commissioner. This is the person who keeps track of beer consumed by tallying it with a marker on your shirt. With nearly ten beers down by this point, Dee needs to use the bathroom. In the queue she finds a tipsy Waitress and Artemis discussing a new goal to aspire to. What female sports star could drink a lot? Secretariat is the idea that they land on. Despite it being a horse. And a male horse.
We’re Out of Beer
The Lady Gang is running low on beer. So, Dee goes to her medical bag to find her smuggled supply. It turns out that Artemis swapped out the auxiliary booze for her own hippy merchandise that she’s selling at the event. She goes to the “Servant” on the plane to ask for beer. It turns out that this poor man has been abused by The Gang through several different professions and is now trying to get away from them and Philadelphia by being an air host. Unfortunately, he is only serving Rosé in honour of the feminist event. With a quick calculation, the terms of competition are reset, and the goal is now 29 miniature bottles of Rosé.
The Only Way to Beat Men Is by Competing Against Other Women
This is a quote from Dee as she is trying to convince The Waitress to keep up with her in the game. It’s one of the more poignant moments of the episode. This is where the writers of Philly start to shine. They have stated one of the fallacies of feminism. Dee provides this subtle critique of modern feminism by taking a dig at the warring factions within the movement who should be banding together in their cause instead of debating the semantics of each group’s decisions. This is my personal reading of the episode and I highly recommend that you check it out and form your own opinions. There’s a lot of nuance in the scripting here, and it lends itself to an academic reading for those who enjoy doing so. Political subtleties aside, this is where things take a turn. Artemis has given up and is selling her wares to the captive audience. After drinking a foul-tasting tea from Artemis, Dee finds Charlie’s mum coming out of the bathroom with smeared makeup. It turns out that Frank has been hiding out in the restroom praying on any woman he can ensnare. The Waitress takes up his offer too, after creating her own game. Her goal is to sleep with more men on the plane than Dennis did on the original.
Snail Joins the Party
By this point in the journey the ladies need a wine refill. When Dee goes to source some more, it had already all been bought by someone in first class. The whole lot. While Charlie’s mum suffers a panic attack over women pilots potentially crashing the plane, Dee sneaks through the first-class curtain and finds Snail with all the wine. Snail is a disgusting woman who went to school with the Gang. She is called Snail because she is always moist and making gross sucking sounds. Lovely! Dee showers her in salt in an attempt to kill the Snail before hearing a drunk Waitress singing over the intercom. Despite her best efforts, Dee loses the companion when she finally passes out on the floor. Shortly after Dee takes her seat again, and (similarly to Charlie in the original episode) has a hallucination about Martina Navratilova. Martina drops some wisdom on the drunkard. “Male opponents have the luxury of hating each other. But as women, we need to stick together to fight for the respect we deserve…” And who says a show about binge drinking can’t be intellectual.
Artemis Pulls the Plug
Just when it looks like it’s all over, Snail reveals that she’d been playing the game this whole time. One wine in front of Dee, she throws down the gauntlet and the game is on again. Shortly after, Snail passes out and Dee proclaims her victory. That’s before Artemis comes over and pulls the plug. In attempt to one up the boy’s story, Artemis spiked her tea with Iowaska. Now everyone in the cabin is vomiting profusely and having spiritual awakenings, but mostly vomiting. Everyone passes out. Dee wakes up strapped to a gurney in North Dakota, the halfway mark. The air host who she tormented earlier informs her that only the fit passengers can finish the flight. Before being carted away, he writes 28 on her forehead, one short of her goal. Only Charlie and Mac’s mothers made it to L.A. and we see them goofing around on a baseball field before the credits roll.
Summary
Philly in its thirteenth season has proven that it still has relevant ideas and the writing skills to back them up. Once again, I am surprised by what kind of stories they are able to tell on such a small budget. If ever you feel like you’ve been marginalised, you can take heart in knowing that the writers of Philly are thinking about you and a way to bring your struggle into the spotlight. Politically apt and decidedly gross towards the end.
