The aunties are back, fiercer than ever and ready to handle any catastrophe–even the mafia–in this delightful and hilarious sequel by Jesse Q. Sutanto, author of Dial A for Aunties.
Intrigued? Well read on to discover an excerpt from Jesse Q. Sutanto’s Four Aunties and a Wedding, which releases on March 29th 2022!
Meddy Chan has been to countless weddings, but she never imagined how her own would turn out. Now the day has arrived, and she can’t wait to marry her college sweetheart, Nathan. Instead of having Ma and the aunts cater to her wedding, Meddy wants them to enjoy the day as guests. As a compromise, they find the perfect wedding vendors: a Chinese-Indonesian family-run company just like theirs. Meddy is hesitant at first, but she hits it off right away with the wedding photographer, Staphanie, who reminds Meddy of herself, down to the unfortunately misspelled name.
Meddy realizes that is where their similarities end, however, when she overhears Staphanie talking about taking out a target. Horrified, Meddy can’t believe Staphanie and her family aren’t just like her own, they are The Family–actual mafia, and they’re using Meddy’s wedding as a chance to conduct shady business. Her aunties and mother won’t let Meddy’s wedding ceremony become a murder scene–over their dead bodies–and will do whatever it takes to save her special day, even if it means taking on the mafia.
First Class! Even my family’s usual antics aren’t capable of taking away the magic of the experience for me.
“Good afternoon, Ms. Chan, welcome on board,” a flight attendant says in a lovely English accent. “May I show you to your seat?”
May he? Of course he may! I smile and follow him to the cabin, where there are rows of beautiful brown leather seats that are too big for me to fill. Amazing.
“Here is your seat, and would you like a warm—”
“Hullo. Eh, hullo, luv!” The unmistakable voice of Big Aunt fills the cabin. I swear, literally every soul on the plane stops to stare.
Nathan and I freeze, and then crane our necks to see Big Aunt, nestled in one of the huge seats, waving at a flight attendant. She comes over with a puzzled smile.
“Yes, Ms. Chan? Is there something I can help you with?”
“Ah, yes, luv,” Big Aunt says, still in that strange, awful new accent of hers that makes me want to stab a knife straight into my brain. “I have a hot cuppa, can or not? Thanks, luv.”
To her credit, the flight attendant doesn’t show any outward emotion. She merely smiles and says, “Of course. One hot tea coming up.”
“Toodle pip, cheerio!”
I turn to Nathan in a panic. “I think she’s having a stroke.”
He laughs and puts our bags in the overhead compartment. “She’s fine.”
I hurry to Big Aunt’s seat and crouch down next to her. “Hi, Big Aunt.” Step carefully, Meddy. It’s still Big Aunt, even though, apparently, some sort of deranged British alien has wormed its way into her head and taken over her tongue.
“Ah, Meddy, Nathan! You okay?” Big Aunt says.
“No,” Ma scolds from the seat next to her. “You suppose to say, ‘Alright, Nathan, luv?’”
Big Aunt nods somberly, then turns to us and says, “Alright, Nathan, luv?”
My smile is fighting to turn into a grimace. “What’s going on? Why are you speaking like that?”
“Surprise!” Ma says. “We all been taking lessons to speak British!”
Big Aunt nods with obvious pride.
“Yes, we all do so we don’t make you lose face,” Second Aunt says from the row behind them.
It hits me then that for the past few months, Ma and the aunties have been speaking more in English and less in Mandarin or Indonesian. I’d noticed it weeks ago but thought nothing of it. Now I realize they’d been preparing for this trip, so they’d be more comfortable speaking British slang. I’m torn between affection and embarrassment: story of my life. I mean, the fact that they went to all this trouble is so incredibly sweet, but also, argh!
“Speak for yourselves. I only went along with it so I’ll be able to impress Prince Harry,” Fourth Aunt says. “No offense, Meddy. But I’m just here for Harry.”
“He married, you hussy!” Ma snaps. “Married to nice girl, very good girl, not like you.”
“Who knows, they might be receptive to the idea of an open marriage.”
Ma’s face turns an alarming shade of purple, but before she can utter a word, I quickly say, “That’s nice, but I don’t think the English accents are necessary. Thank you for taking lessons; that’s amazing! But I prefer your normal accents.”
I elbow Nathan, who nods quickly. “Yeah, Meddy’s right. Your normal speech is great. Terrific.”
“Aww, bless,” Ma says, smiling fondly at Nathan.
“You can’t carry off ‘bless,’” I say dryly.
“Meddy, don’t be such tosser, lah,” Second Aunt says.
Nathan’s eyebrows disappear into his hairline.
“Did you just call me a ‘tosser’?”
“Tosser is mean someone who always toss out the good time.”
“That—no. Second Aunt, that is not what ‘tosser’ means.”
“Yes it is, see here, I got put in my notebook, hmm, where is it . . .” She takes out her book and flips through page after page of handwritten British slang, muttering under her breath the whole time. “Bugger . . . bugger off . . . bugger it . . .”
“Stop saying ‘bugger,’ Second Aunt,” I plead.
“Is mean ‘booger.’”
“It definitely doesn’t mean that,” Nathan says, barely able to keep his face straight.
“Then what it mean?” Second Aunt says. And suddenly, it feels like the entire cabin is looking at us expectantly.
Nathan falters. “Uh. It means . . . um.” After an interminable silence where not a single eye in the cabin blinks, Nathan mumbles, “Yeah, you’re right, it means ‘booger.’” The fucking coward.
From FOUR AUNTIES AND A WEDDING published by arrangement with Berkley, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC. Copyright © 2022 by Jesse Q. Sutanto.
