5 Times Emma Woodhouse Gave Us the Best Relationship Advice Ever

Guest post written by co-authors Audrey Bellezza and Emily Harding
Audrey Bellezza is a two-time Emmy-nominated TV producer who has spent over twenty years writing, developing, and executive producing nonfiction television shows for a number of networks and streaming platforms. Audrey lives in New Jersey with her husband and two children.

Emily Harding is a writer and TV producer whose work has appeared on numerous networks and websites. When not hunched over her computer working on her bad posture, she can be found losing another game of Monopoly to her husband and two kids.

Emma of 83rd Street is out now.


We know what you’re thinking: is this a joke? After all, Jane Austen’s Emma might be one of the most iconic romances in English literature, but its titular character isn’t exactly known for her relationship prowess. Her entire character arc is inextricably linked to her naivete in all matters of love, and the fact that this doesn’t stop her from dispensing relationship advice to everyone she knows is as charming as it is nonsensical.

And we couldn’t agree more. Emma’s complete lack of self-awareness makes for some of Austen’s most comical scenes. But while writing our new novel, Emma of 83rd Street, we pored over Austen’s original book and made a startling discovery: Emma Woodhouse actually had some sound advice. Don’t believe us? Here’s the proof:

#1: “A woman is not to marry a man merely because she is asked, or because he is attached to her, and can write a tolerable letter.”

Emily: This is the 1815 version of “you don’t owe him anything!” and I love it. Even though Emma’s assumptions about Harriet’s feelings here ultimately prove to be wrong, the advice still holds true for any woman who finds herself trying to convince herself that she’s interested in someone simply because they are interested in her.

Audrey: When I was in my twenties, I probably would have saved myself and my dates a lot of time if I had taken Emma’s words to heart. Just because someone likes you, doesn’t mean you have to like them back or even say yes to a date. Of course, in this instance, Harriet was actually very interested in the man Emma does not want her to marry.

Emily: There’s a reason Amy Heckerling’s 1995 adaptation was called Clueless!

#2: “I may have lost my heart, but not my self-control.”

Audrey: I love this one. I see it as: even though I’m at the point of obsession-bordering-on-stalking madly in love stage with someone, I know who I am and am not going to act like a complete idiot.

Emily: Exactly. And it’s so easy to fall into the complete idiot category.  We all need Emma Woodhouse to remind us that falling in love doesn’t mean you should lose yourself in the process.

#3: “I always deserve the best treatment because I never put up with any other.”

Emily: Truer words have never been said in the history of the English language. Know your worth.

Audrey: This is all about self-worth! And about truly believing that you are good enough and deserve greatness– from love to mundane things like your favorite coffee order, no matter how complicated. When it comes to dating, if you think you are worthy, you won’t stand for being treated badly and you’ll find it very easy to walk away from the wrong guys.

#4: What is passable in youth is detestable in later age.”

Emily: Forget for a moment that Emma is doling out this advice while trying to convince her friend that the man she loves will someday become a “completely gross, vulgar farmer.” Because her complete lack of self-awareness shouldn’t take away from the surprising wisdom here. When any of us are newly in love, we might overlook or make excuses for behavior or traits that we think are “passable” or worse, that these things will change. The truth is that many times, they don’t. And after time, what was passable only becomes more glaring.

Audrey: You know for a young girl, this is excellent advice. Something that bothers you now will 100% drive you batty after ten years of marriage. If you can, address it now.

#5: “You must be the best judge of your own happiness.”

Audrey: This is spot on. Trust yourself and don’t listen to others when it comes to what you want. At the end of the day, you’re the one that is in the relationship and only you can judge if your partner is right for you. Perhaps Emma should take that advice to heart a bit more and not meddle so much!

Emily: So true. Although I don’t think she’ll ever stop meddling, I love that her burgeoning self-awareness means that she wakes up to the realities of everything she’s been pontificating on throughout the novel. And I think that’s really the heart of all of this: her advice isn’t wrong. It’s actually great! She just needs to apply it to herself first.

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