Article contributed by Laura Glassman
Abbi Waxman is the author of several novels, including The Bookish Life of Nina Hill and, most recently, I Was Told It Would Get Easier, which tells the story of a mother and her teenaged daughter who embark on a group tour of several colleges. The trouble is, their relationship can be difficult at times. Told with a mixture of humor about and insight into the relationships between teenagers and their parents, the novel tells the story of how the two learn more about each other and navigate things going on in their lives during their trip.
We had the pleasure of chatting to Abbi about the novel, friendships and more!
Hi Abbi! Can you tell us a little about yourself?
I’m much less interesting than you would think, but here goes. I was born and raised in the UK, but I moved to New York in 1992 and have been here ever since. My mother is from Detroit, so I have dual nationality, which I highly recommend. I have three kids and a lot of animals, I live in Los Angeles, and consider myself a fortunate woman.
What inspired you to write I Was Told It Would Get Easier?
Having three teenage daughters and going through the college application process with the eldest. Everyone I’d parented alongside was having the same shitty experience, so I thought there was material enough for a novel there. Hopefully I was right.
I read that you have three teenaged daughters. How much of your own relationship with your daughters do you put into this story? Do you see yourself in Jessica?
Well, I wrote the book in alternating first person, the mother and the daughter. I tried to make sure I didn’t put words in the daughter’s mouth that I wouldn’t imagine coming out of a real kid’s mouth. Of course, that gave me plenty of room, because you would not believe the crap teenagers say.
What advice would you have for parents of teenaged girls (or even pre-teenaged girls approaching that age)? What do you wish you had known sooner about parenting a teenager?
The less you say and do the better. Just cling on, say nothing, and conserve your energy. The amazing parenting expert Wendy Mogel suggests you talk to your teens as you might to visiting cousins from another state. Polite, interested, personal, but ultimately neutral. She’s a genius.
You write in the book about the importance of friendships between women. Can you share your thoughts about what is special about friendships between women?
So much of it is special, but partially because so much of it is quotidian. Female friends let each other rattle on about the boring minutiae of life and still care about each other. I will happily listen to my best friend bitch about her washing machine for half an hour. I care about it, because I care about her. Women’s friendships thrive on that everyday small-trickle stuff. Let romantic and family relationships keep the drama, women’s friendships don’t miss it.
How did you find it to try to put yourself into a teenaged girl’s shoes and write about how she would feel about her mother?
Challenging. Teenagers will have to tell me how I did.
In this book, Jessica remembers that her mother told her, “Choose work that makes you happy while you’re doing it, because you’ll be doing it a lot.” Is this something that you believe? What are your thoughts on trying to do or find work that you love?
What Jessica’s mother meant was that you need to enjoy the actual process of your work, because you spend so much time literally doing it. If someone loves fine food, but doesn’t enjoy chopping vegetables and stirring sauces, then she shouldn’t become a chef. If someone loves writing, but doesn’t enjoy working alone, or keeping track of large documents, or making changes based on other people’s input, then she shouldn’t become a professional writer. The elements of your work, the literal work of it, is often overlooked but is really important. Telling people that if they love what they do it won’t feel like work is totally dumb. It will feel like work, because it’s more satisfying and challenging than resting or playing. Work is not a bad word.
If you could change something about the college search process, what would you change?
I would change everything about it, it’s a bit of a shit show.
What is your favorite thing about writing?
The dress code.
What are a few of your favorite books and/or authors?
I am a Golden Age Mystery fanatic in real life. Patricia Wentworth, Agatha Christie, Ngaio Marsh, Dorothy Sayer, etc.
