Before starting this review, I’d like to point out a series of topics that could trigger a few readers as A Semi-Definitive List of Worst Nightmares is a book that delves heavily into the subject of mental illnesses, more specifically, the book deals with the matter of anxiety, depression, death, suicide, and self-harm, as well as some other sensitive topics such as child abuse and murder. None of these are described in a crude or harsh way, but if you feel like any of those topics could affect you negatively, no matter the approach taken, please read this work with discretion.
Having said that, let’s start:
“Phobias, right? They all have a great fear. Scared of spiders and heights and all that. Cursed by Death himself. And whatever you’re afraid of, that’s what kills you one day.”
Esther Solar is afraid of almost everything. Lobsters, caves, lightning, abandoned places…you name it. Of course, when such a wide array of things scares you and, taking into account the curse looming over your head, Death is very real and very near. For that reason, Esther keeps a list of her worst nightmares, where she notes down whatever has caused some degree of fear on her, so that she can avoid them all at all costs. Thus, avoiding death too. However, her secured life away from fear changes once she stumbles upon her long-lost childhood friend—and crush—Jonah Smallwood. Tricking her into giving him money and stealing all of her belongings (including her precious fruit roll-up!), Jonah bursts back into Esther’s life as Jonah has also stolen her list of worst nightmares and now he is determined to help her overcome her biggest fears and, maybe, break the curse along the way.
A Semi-Definitive List of Worst Nightmares is the second novel of Krystal Sutherland, the author of Our Chemical Hearts. Published in late 2017 by G.P. Putnam’s Sons Books, her sophomore novel went pretty much under the radar for most book lovers and unrightfully so, because the story is fantastic. Making the most of magic realism and with a perfectly paced plot, easy-to-love characters, and a touching array of interesting and relevant topics, Sutherland’s book should be on everyone’s bookshelves.
To begin with, the first thing the reader notices is the extreme change in tone between the first third of the book and its last two sections. At the very beginning, the narration appears to be rather light-hearted and geeky, with a deluge of pop culture references and awkward moments on the part of the protagonist. After reading the first few chapters, you expect the novel to be a quirky romance novel with little to no depth, where a boy with a bit of a knight-in-shining armour complex helps the girl overcome all of her “silly” fears. However, as the plot starts to develop, the novel takes a much darker and serious tone. Yes, there is still a love story, but it is not the driving force of the novel at all. And where the love interest seemed to be the saviour, he turns out to need as much saving as Esther herself. Also, as I mentioned before starting this review, the topics the book deals with are revealed as well, and they are not quirky or cute. The real topics of this book are dark and raw and solemn, and they are not romanticised at all. Dear reader, don’t judge this book by its pastel-coloured cover…of its first 80 pages.
It is also essential to point out the skilful way in which the author intertwines the two main timelines: Esther’s and the story of how her grandfather came to become acquaintances with Death himself. Both plotlines complement each other perfectly, leaving little Easter eggs that will go unnoticed until the right moment. Even if it is true that the grandfather timeline is framed within Esther’s narrative, it has a charm of its own, having a whimsical tone that almost reminds the reader of 2003 hit movie, Big Fish. Additionally, the central narrative is also beautifully well developed, keeping a pace that matches the main events at all times —of course, you cannot conquer fear in two days—only weakening at the very end, which, sadly feels a bit rushed.
Moving on to the characters, the only thing there is to say about them is that you better get ready to love them all with your entire heart. Round and complex, all of them highlight the duality of humanity. We all have positive and negative traits and that is completely normal, because no one is perfect. If there is one character that is not as strongly written as the rest is Esther’s friend, Hephzibah. There is little said about her apart from suffering from selective mutism, and there are certain scenes where you even forget that she is there with the rest of the gang. However, reading between the lines, this almost invisible characterisation matches the idea that Esther has about her best friend: As she mentions as some point, she even doubted whether Hep was real or just a figment of her imagination. Consequently, even if it would have been nice to know a little more about the character, her blurred outlines are not that shocking and match her overall description pretty well.
Continuing with the characters and their relationships, this book is a moving illustration of every single form of love: friendship, sibling and parental love, romantic love…and in every instance, all characters have to fight against their instincts and insecurities to let the others in. Each character is dealing with some sort of problem they have to solve on their own—social anxiety, gambling problems, depression, or abuse—until the other characters come around. All of their issues are extremely relevant to the present day and, even if their very nature is undoubtedly crude, they are tackled with extreme care and loving by the author. Sutherland finds the perfectly balanced poignant and delicate approach to the darkest sides of the characters and real life itself.
Overall, A Semi-Definitive List of Worst Nightmares is an alluring exploration of the human mental landscape and how much relying on others can help us thrive and improve ourselves. Sutherland’s second novel is a book about facing fears, letting people in, and above all, accepting help. Don’t miss the opportunity of falling in love with Jonah, Esther, and her family and, who knows? Maybe you will be encouraged by Esther’s bravery and face your own fears and demons.
A Semi-Definitive List of Worst Nightmares is available from Amazon, Book Depository, and other good book retailers.
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Synopsis | Goodreads
Ever since Esther Solar’s grandfather met Death, her entire family has been doomed to suffer one great fear in their lifetime—a fear that will eventually lead each and every one of them to their graves. Take Esther’s father, for instance: He’s an agoraphobe who hasn’t left the basement in six years. Then there’s her twin brother, Eugene, whose fear of the dark goes far beyond the things that go bump in the night. And her mother, Rosemary, is absolutely terrified of bad luck.
As for Esther, she’s managed to escape the curse…so far. She doesn’t yet have a great fear because she avoids pretty much everything. Elevators, small spaces, crowds—anything that might trigger a phobia is off-limits and is meticulously recorded in her semi-definitive list of worst nightmares.
Esther thinks she has it all figured out, until she’s reunited with an old elementary school classmate—and first crush—Jonah Smallwood. The encounter leaves her stranded at a bus stop and swindled out of her phone, all her cash, a Fruit Roll-Up she’d been saving, and her list—not to mention her dignity. But the theft is also the beginning of an unexpected friendship between the two, one that sends the pair on a journey of self-discovery as they try to break the curse that’s consumed Esther’s family. Together they face their greatest fears, one debilitating phobia at a time, only to discover the one fear they hadn’t counted on: love.
