We chat with author Alana Saab about Please Stop Trying To Leave Me, which is a debut novel about love, family, queerness, and losing your mind in the modern world and marks the arrival of a truly original, haunting voice in fiction who will make you laugh, cry, and scream, all in the same breath.
Hi, Alana! Can you tell our readers a bit about yourself?
I’m a Portuguese-Lebanese, Massachusetts-raised woman. I live with my amazing partner and four cats in New York City.
When did you first discover your love for writing and stories?
Discover is an interesting word because I don’t remember consciously discovering my love for writing or stories. I was an avid reader as a kid. By the time I was nine, I would write, print out and laminate poetry collections. I was always best at English in school. But really, it wasn’t until college that I realized I actually wanted to have a career as a writer. That storytelling wasn’t something I wanted to grow out of.
Quick lightning round! Tell us:
- The first book you ever remember reading: Are You My Mother (the children’s book)
- The one that made you want to become an author: Invisible Cities by Italo Calvino.
- The one that you can’t stop thinking about: No One is Talking About This by Patricia Lockwood.
Your debut novel, Please Stop Trying to Leave Me, is out now! If you could only describe it in five words, what would they be?
Whacky. Funny. Experimental. Heart-breaking. Hopeful.
What can readers expect?
Readers can expect some really difficult topics tackled in a unique, experimental way that may never have come across before. In that sense the novel can be a bit maddening, but in a good way (if you like that sort of thing).
Also, it’s important to say that this novel isn’t an escape from reality. It’s a deep dive into reality.
Where did the inspiration for Please Stop Trying to Leave Me come from?
I had struggled with DPDR for some time, but I managed fine (or so I thought). But then, a year after I came out as queer, I developed panic disorder on top of DPDR. I was having multiple panic attacks a day, and I couldn’t figure out why, despite having a degree in psychology. The mind is an enigma to itself. After months of constant panic attacks, I started writing this short story about a character going through a breakdown. Then I couldn’t stop writing. That story became this novel. Writing this novel was therapeutic because while I couldn’t figure out why I was having panic attacks or dissociative epsiodes, I could create a backstory for my character that perfectly explained why she was going through a mental breakdown. I could give her what I couldn’t give myself.
Were there any moments or characters you really enjoyed writing or exploring?
I loved writing “The Study of Oblivion.” It was so freeing to play on the page through Norma’s sassiness and insanity. Also, “The Last Story.” It was heart-wrenching to write. I sat there typing and sobbing.
This is your debut published novel! What was the road to becoming a published author like for you?
I tried everything I could to not be a writer after I decided I was going to be one. That may sound odd, but I literally went to Columbia University to get a masters in psychology, because I so badly didn’t want to live the life of a writer: seeking publication, dealing with rejection, etc. But it was clear to me while I was getting that degree that I needed to forgo my anxieties about failing and just try it. After graduating, I went to The New School for my MFA in fiction. I met my mentor there. A month before graduation, I had an agent for my novel. The story of how I met my agent, Mina, is wild! But she’s better at telling the story, so I’ll leave that to her.
What’s next for you?
Right now I’m working on a new novel that I’m really excited about. It’s the opposite of Please Stop Trying to Leave Me in many ways. It’s minimalistic. It’s controlled prose. It’s dystopic. The ways in which it’s similar are that there are some meta aspects and it’s still very political, because well.. it’s me.
Lastly, what books have you enjoyed so far this year and are there any that you can’t wait to get your hands on?
I was dying to get my hands on In Universes (Emet Noth), Stories I Wrote for the Devil (Ananda Lima) and We were the Universe (Kimberly King Parsons). Then, I checked my mailbox and they all came at about the same time… during my own pub month. So I have a bit of backlog right now. I’m ¼ into In Universes and I’m loving it.
