Over the last couple of years, people have been talking more and more about mental health, which is just as important as anything else.
Anxiety is one of those things that people are more aware of, but our society hasn’t always been so quite accepting of it. In Damsel No More, Emily Davis is talking about her abusive relationship and struggling with anxiety especially when it comes to trusting people and starting a new relationship.
“You are done paying the price for someone else’s bad choices with your happiness.”
At some point, you may get to understand how it feels to not trust people anymore and to not open your heart to another person. Instead facing your emotions and taking time to process and heal, we continue with our busy lives in hopes that when we just occupy our mind, it simply will go away on its own.
But one day, it may all fall down on you again and you will question yourself, looking for the reason and must deal with an unhealthy amount of fears. Then you have to start going through your emotions and anxieties and start to work on it one by one.
This can be a very difficult time, which you do not have to do on your own. You can go to a therapist, talk to a person you trust, or turn to advice and self-help books, including this book. How can you ever trust someone again? First, start to listen to yourself and do not try to please anyone. Just do what you are comfortable with. But why should you not have fun while processing through your anxiety?
Emily Davis, as a nerd and role player, came up with the idea of turning therapy into a RPG in which you create a base level character, which will learn new skills and earn gear from what will come out of the 10 levels of healing. The only things you need is a journal, a pen, and the willpower to star conquer your anxiety.
“I used physical representations of my fears and battled them in my head.”
Level 1: Create Your Character. Who Are you Right Now?
The first level is simple: clean yourself from all the bad energy that has surrounded you during the day. Other people’s problems are not yours. Try to find out who you are.
Level 2: Your Fear Monster and How It Is Affecting Your Relationship
Face your fear. Look at if they are real or fake and put your fears into categories.
Level 3: Discover Your Quest By Setting Your Intentions
The power of imagination can create a reality and pick a validation. To quote Davis, “The magical part of selecting a validation is that, the second that you establish what your validation is, you will see it pop up everywhere.”
Level 4: How To Make The Hidden Magic of Anxiety Work For You
You read it correctly, there is a magic hidden in your anxiety. You can use it and turn it into something useful.
Level 5: Find Where Your Triggers Are Hiding
This part was for me the most interesting one. There are three triggers, which do not have to be negative.
- Wound Trigger: The wounds of our past need to heal and they push us into a emotional reaction.
- Boundary Trigger: We set our boundaries, but when they are passed, we feel treated and not heard.
- Identity Trigger: “Direct conflict with what we view as our personal values”
Level 6: How To Put On A Heavy Set of Boundaries and Communicate To Your Partner
When you are overwhelmed, ask yourself “It’s important to me that….” For example, “When people talk over me, I feel unheard. It is important to me to feel heard.” You do not have to please others; you need to let them know that they have to accept your boundaries.
Level 7: Dig For The Roots of Hurt. Re-understanding Trauma
We are what our past has made us, and we have to cope with it one way or another.
Level 8: Cut Through Your Pain and Heal Yourself for Good
If you feel your anxiety coming up, face it, work on it. Do not swallow it. Afterwards, do something that will help you let go.
Level 9: Allow Your Tears to Launch You Forward
Find peace within yourself.
Level 10: The Final Battle, Overcome
This read is a unique one. It is interactive and tries to truly help you and you sure need to read it more than once and do as told while reading it a second time.
The idea of creating a character and giving it a monster to conquer, while also working on it to provide your character with a shield and an armour is brilliant. Writing is therapeutic and all you do is picture it and write it down immediately. In the end, you can “look in the mirror and see the fearless wonder of yourself looking back”, as Davis says, and it really feels like it.
I think this concept could work on every situation you feel anxious in and I definitely will work through mine with it. Anxiety does not go away by itself; we have to work on it and with this concept, it does feel conquerable!
Damsel No More! is available from Amazon.
Will you be checking out Damsel No More!? Tell us in the comments below!
Synopsis | Goodreads
Is your past relationship ruining your current one?
You thought you did the work, that you healed and put the pain you suffered from your ex behind you. Now that you are in a new relationship though, the fears your abuser instilled in you are beginning to pop up. It’s causing problems. It’s easy to feel like you’re broken, bad at relationships, or like your abuser still has control over you. Whatever! You deserve a relationship that is not only healthy but fear-free! And that is one hundred percent possible.
In Damsel No More, author, abuse survivor, and anxiety-wizard-ess Emily Davis takes you on an epic quest to reach the relationship you have always dreamt of. You will learn how to:
- Create the relationship you desire (all you need is your imagination!)
- Express your needs and wants without feeling guilty
- Feel safe again with the use of strong boundaries
- Discover what triggers you and navigate your triggers with ease
- Tackle your fears as you slay the demons that are keeping you from a healthy relationship
- Free yourself from the control of your abuser for good!
You will leave this Dungeons and Dragons meets The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k adventure with all the gear you need to make your relationship dreams a reality!
