Written by Charlie Johnson
For the past two weeks, the writers of Philly have been flexing their political muscles and coming up with absolute comedy gold. With episodes making reference to the #metoo campaign that is sweeping the world taking a swipe at some antiquated feminist ideas, the team behind the screen had to tale a breather. This week’s premise is simple and open-ended. Dennis needs to buy a new car. Let’s see what kind of shenanigans The Gang get into this time.
Dude, Where’s My Car?
The Gang find themselves gathered before Dennis in the bar. Apparently, he has something important to say. With no one asking him any questions, Dennis starts to dictate the conversation. After the finale of last season where he chose to depart the bar to be with his secret family, this season he returned without so much as word about his trip. Now he brings it up in front of the crew saying that he might return. Dennis was clearly fishing for a reaction and no one says anything again, he reveals his choice to raise his new family “from a distance”. Now that he’s back for good, Dennis needs his car. The Gang shows him the Range Rover is exactly where he left it. However, the car is a burnt out, roofless frame and it isn’t going anywhere.
Do You Guys Have Any ’93 Models?
Now in the local showroom, Charlie, Mac, and Dennis are looking at brand new Range Rovers. Dennis feels like part of his identity is missing without the car. Of course, Charlie and Mac wouldn’t understand because they’ve never owned a vehicle. Nothing since a bike at any rate. Looking to recapture their youthful identities, they disappear in search of something with pedal power. During negotiations, Frank offers to finance the new car with the $400 he got for scraping the old one. Obviously not being enough, Frank then buys the car that Dennis was haggling for, with his credit card. Frank is about to sign the paperwork only to find that his licence expired in 1984. Looks like the deal is off.
What Are You Gonna Do About It?
Meanwhile Mac and Charlie have once again got themselves a matching pair of Mongoose bikes and are tearing around the streets abusing people. They end up recounting the tale of how they lost their first bikes. Shawn Dumont and his buddies stole them back in middle school. When they confronted the thieves, Dumont said “Whatcha gonna do about it?” Poor Mac and Charlie had no comeback for this. As they’re talking a gang of middle school bikers surround them and act threateningly to them. They escape just before things got dangerous.
Driver’s Education Class
Dennis has just arrived at a restaurant in his new Prius and receives no respect from the valet. Just afterwards, Dee pulls up in Frank’s Range Rover. She digs the new ride to no end, describing it like being up on a throne. Some rich housewives get into conversation with her about the new car and they head off to lunch, leaving Dennis and his economy vehicle where they belong (near the gutter).
Meanwhile, Frank is back in Driver’s Ed class and getting it all wrong. He is informing the class about how moving into intersections is like a game of chicken. Knowing that he’s gonna fail unless he gets some help, Frank strikes a deal with the only other guy in the room who thinks he is funny. The terms are struck: Frank copies his test in exchange for some porno, “The Real Deal.”
Childhood Fantasies
The rest of the episode has all of the characters divert in pursuit of their own fantasy. Dennis in his new Prius is mistaken for an Uber driver by mild-mannered John. Adopting the new “Economy Lifestyle”, Dennis agrees to drive him home anyway and they have an afternoon drinking beer and playing fantasy sports online. Mac and Charlie go to the local store and buy baseball cards and have a fun time. They soon find that one of their bikes have been stolen. Frank takes his new study buddy into the woods and reveals his hidden stash of 80’s porn magazines. Unfortunately, the young man thought that the “Real Deal” involved getting laid, not vintage porn. Dee spends her day at the spa with the housewives gossiping about men. When Karen flippantly says Dee has never been married, she freaks out. Her resentment builds as she plots revenge.
Fiery Conclusions
In an attempt to hook up his student with a lady, Frank finds Dennis playing fantasy sports. When he tries to put the moves on the only girl there, Dennis realises that economy lifestyle has ruined his mojo and he strikes out epically. Charlie and Mac find their missing bike. The bike thug from earlier stole it and it turns out that it is Shawn Dumont’s son. After chickening out while Shawn was there, Charlie and Mac find the kids later and beat the living tar out of them. Dee confronts Karen and her snobby attitude by revealing that she slept with her “toy-boy”. As it turns out she had sex with the student that Frank was trying to find a woman for.
Dennis finds out that mild-mannered John’s old car is a ’93 Range Rover. It’s the same colour green as his old one too. He offers John double it’s value and drives away with it after calling him a “Soy Boy Beta …” (you can figure out the missing word). As he drives home, finally content, he finds everyone else running for their lives after making today’s mistakes. Each person is soothed as they enter. Everything is okay now. Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up is playing in the background.
Conclusion
Another fun day of chaos on the streets of Philadelphia. This episode didn’t give us any new character insight. Nor did it provide us with any questions about our current political climate. It provided me with 26 minutes of entertainment and some belly laughs. The effects team clearly had a lot of fun editing the scene where Mac and Charlie wailed on those children.
A satisfying look at how the idea of reality never lives up to fantasy.
