What Your Cosplay Says About You

Guest post written by author Ryan La Sala
RYAN LA SALA grew up in Connecticut, but only physically. Mentally, he spent most of his childhood in the worlds of Sailor Moon and Xena: Warrior Princess, which perhaps explains all the twirling. He studied Anthropology and Neuroscience at Northeastern University before becoming a project manager specialized in digital tools. He technically lives in New York City, but has actually transcended material reality and only takes up a human shell for special occasions, like brunch, and to watch anime (which is banned on the astral plane). Be Dazzled [January 5th 2021] is Ryan’s second novel. You can visit him at ryanlasala.com or follow him on Twitter @Ryality. 

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More than anything during this year of sitting in my house, I miss going to comic book conventions and seeing all the amazing cosplays. Cosplay (or costume play) comes in every shape, size, and genre. To the human eye, it can be hard to tell us all apart, but to the con regular, the differences are stark. And informative. With all the cons of 2020 canceled, I’ve been thinking about who I miss from cons and…who I don’t. The result is this glorious, quick-and-dirty, unofficial assessment of what your choice in cosplay says about you. Don’t take it personally, though, okay? It’s just dress-up, right?

The Avenger Cosplayer

Did you make that Spider-Man body sleeve yourself? Kidding! If you’re showing up to a con as a superhero, you’re probably pretty chill. Go with the flow, no fuss, but perhaps in need of a little flavor. Like a potato. The lawful neutral potato of the con world. That is unless you’re Iron Man or Thor. Then we’ve got some daddy issues, which is exciting! And don’t even get me started on the Star Lords.

The Disney Cosplayer

Hey, theater kid, I knew I recognized you from the high school’s production of Little Shop of Horrors! Did you ever end up moving to New York like you said? If you’re at a con as a Disney princess, you should be feared. There is no group of adults more rigorously whimsical than the Disney adult. Bonus points if you do the strange little head tilt in photos, even out of costume. Like the fae, you Disney cosplayers are a powerful and vengeful people, and I’m not messing with you. Next!

Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy

You girls are busy! I just saw you over there, and now you’re right here! It’s almost like you’re able to be in several places at once (or maybe I’m getting you confused with the six other identical pairs?). But that’s to be expected from our two favorite chaotic lesbians! I know Harley and Ivy cosplayers get a bad rap, but I’m here to cheer you girls on, so long as you stick together. It’s time to drop the dud boyfriend halfheartedly playing the Joker. That’s over. That’s finished. Be the spinoff you want to see in the world.

The Miyazaki Cosplayer

Taste! Taste! And more taste! A great Miyazaki cosplay is straightforward, iconic, and all about performing that sourceless melancholy that’s stuck with you since childhood. I’m here for it. If you’re in a Miyazaki cosplay, you’re the friend that always brings snacks and knows the precise location of the nearest boba shop. You also find yourself wistfully gazing off into space, chasing after a vague memory of something magical that’s fading, fading, fading away. Darn it, there’s that melancholy again!

The Anime Cosplayer

Oh boy. If you’re showing up in an anime cosplay, I’ve got two questions. One, can I hear your best “ohoho” laugh? And two, do you ever wake up in one of those nutty villain poses? Let’s be real. You do. And you deserve credit. Anime cosplayers are usually found in packs, are always screaming, and have never found a hallway they didn’t want to sit in a circle in meowing. Sure, you get some weird looks, but I maintain that it’s the anime people that push con culture forward. I’m proud to count myself among you.

The Sexy Cosplay

Media is rife with terrifying unrealistic body shapes, so it’s nice that we can let those warped standards fall away at cons when we—actual and imperfect humans—dress up as our sexy heroes, right? Wrong! Sexy cosplayers are here to let you know that nowhere is safe! If you’re a sexy cosplayer, you understand duality and the full range of reactions a single person can garner. To be loved is to be adored is to be a sexy pin-up version of Yoda. You’ve got it all, honey. But sleep with one eye open from here on out.

Twist/AU (Alternative Universe) Cosplays

You people. You couldn’t just do the assignment, could you? You couldn’t just do a great job and call it a day? You had to make an entire Snow White dress out of White Castle fast food packaging? You had to mashup Boba Fett and Buzz Lightyear? If you’re a Twist/AU cosplayer, you were a joy to have in class until about seventh grade, when you fell into your goth/emo phase. Once a gifted student, you now apply your strange and beautiful mind to the task of mashing together worlds, characters, and costumes. Like an evil genius.

The Friend Holding Everything

There are few people more overlooked yet more essential to the ecosystem of cons than the elusive “Friend of Holding.” Without you, we all would fall apart. It would be one large fire emergency after the next if someone like you didn’t have arms big enough, and an ego small enough, to turn into a well-spirited mule throughout the day. Maybe you didn’t get your cosplay together in time, or maybe you just wanted to be comfortable, but it doesn’t matter. Do you mind taking a thousand photos? Do you mind holding my props while I run to the bathroom? Thanks, you’re the best, I owe you next con!