…he’d have even less impulse control than before! Missing WandaVision’s “Avengers sitcom” vibes? How about a “teenager-throws-a-wild-party-while-the-parents are away” episode? Here the crown prince of Asgard goes on a massive planet-wide bender.
SPOILERS AHEAD
After the logo and opening titles, we open on a van in the New Mexico desert, mirroring the opening of the first Thor film. Dr Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) and Darcy Lewis (Kat Dennings) are on the lookout for activity/phenomena that could indicate extra-terrestrial activity. Well, Jane’s snoring and Darcy’s flicking peanuts into a jar, but then their computer—monitoring the Van Allen radiation belts around the globe—starts beeping. Apparently, two years ago, the same anomaly they’re witnessing struck Star Alpha Icarus and the entire star dimmed and disintegrated. So Jane tries to call S.H.I.E.L.D. to warn them that they could be looking at an alien invasion, but seemingly to no avail. A huge beam of light shoots across the sky and, as Darcy says, “they’re here”. The beam of light lands in front a casino on the Vegas strip, and a booming voice announces: “Citizens of Midgard, your dull lives are about to come to an end”. Everyone looks understandably scared, until the owner of said voice is revealed to be Thor (Chris Hemsworth), who finishes his declaration with “prepare yourselves… for the party prince!”
As the party starts, The Watcher tells us that “more than battles won or lost, it’s relationships that truly define a hero. The people who shape them, their stories.” Thor’s childhood with Loki taught him many lessons but in this universe, instead of raising Loki as his own son, Odin returned him to his people (Laufey looking overjoyed to have his child back), and without his trickster brother to keep him on his toes, Thor would grow into a very different prince.
We then cut to Asgard with Thor and Frigga (Josette Eales) by Odin’s bedside as he goes into the Odinsleep. Afterwards, Frigga is off to her sister’s to celebrate the solstice, and tells Thor that she fully expects him to use the time to study up on the Nine Realms that he will one day rule and warns him not to throw any parties. Thor assures her he’ll behave but the next thing we see is Thor, Lady Sif (Jaimie Alexander), Fandral (Max Mittelman), Volstagg (Fred Tatasciore), and Hogun (David Chen) sneaking into Odin’s treasure room (giving as another glimpse of that “fake” infinity gauntlet Easter egg). Thor is determined not to be a “boring king” like his father and plans to get around Frigga’s “no party” edict by going to ‘the most backward, backwater planet that not even Heimdall pays attention to.’ Earth, in other words.
Speaking of Earth, back in the present the party is in full swing and it’s a smorgasbord of cameos including Yondu and the Ravagers, Skrulls, Skurge, Howard the Duck (Seth Green), members of the Sovereign, the Grandmaster (Jeff Goldbum), Topaz (Rachel House), and various other partygoers from Sakaar. Jane and Darcy arrive and the alien invasion is not what they expected. Jane identifies Thor as the first extra-terrestrial to arrive and we get a slow-mo shot of Thor flipping his hair, complete with romantic music, leading to this particularly hilarious exchange:
Jane: ‘I expected him to look more like…’
Darcy: ‘Like What? E.T. ? And less like a hottie McScotty, beach body Ken, old-school Abercrombie catalogue? I could go on. Let me.’
Jane approaches Thor anyway and they introduce themselves, Jane recognising Thor from his connection to Norse mythology, and we find out that the collapse of Alpha Star was due to one of Thor’s epic parties (a party so epic they lost Fandral for three days and found him in a barn curled up next to a baby goat, whom Fandral named Gary). Jane starts to chastise him for destroying a planet but Thor starts flirting and Jane falls hard.
We then get a montage of the party as it goes on through the night: the Grandmaster once again turns DJ (Thor, Zemo called, he wants his dance moves back); we meet Nebula (Karen Gillan) and Korg (Taika Waititi) at the craps table (‘momma needs a brand-new eye’); Volstagg tries to fly using a water jetpack but crashes into a fountain, which Valkyrie, Drax (Fred Tatasciore) and Sif find hilarious; Darcy and Howard the Duck are married by an Elvis impersonator, and Thor and Jane get matching tattoos (a Mjolnir that says ‘magic’ for her and a microscope that says ‘science’ for him).
Then we have the inevitable morning after as they wake up hungover in a trashed hotel room, underwear and other items strewn about, Fandral is covered in Possums and Rocket Racoon is asleep in the sink. Then S.H.I.E.L.D—in the form of Brock Rumlow (Frank Grillo) and Maria Hill (Cobie Smulders)—literally come knocking, as it seems they paid attention Jane’s attempt to contact them after all. Maria introduces herself as the ‘Acting Director’ of S.H.I.E.L.D. and a flashback reveals why: Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) tried to shut the party down before someone got hurt, only for that someone to be him when Korg ploughed into him cannonballing into the fountain; he’s still unconscious. Since Jane was the first to warn them of this alien “threat” Maria hopes she’ll also be the key to eliminating it.
We then cut to a helicarrier hovering above Vegas. Coulson (Clark Gregg) informs them that Thor is spreading the party atmosphere worldwide—leaving Jane a bit miffed that he left without saying anything—and is now in Paris. Rumlow arrives with a briefcase containing ‘the last resort’ which Jane panics at as it sounds very final. She tells Maria that this is Earth’s first encounter with alien life and how they react now will affect the tone of diplomatic relations between their worlds for generations to come. But Maria tells her that this isn’t S.H.I.E.L.D.’s first ‘alien rodeo’, as the briefcase is opened to reveal Captain Marvel’s pager.
In Paris, Thor’s party continues (even the Golden High Priestess of the Sovereign has got in on the act) and we’re just in time to meet some new arrivals: Loki (Tom Hiddleston), who in this universe is a full sized Frost Giant, and his entourage. Admittedly, the fact that Loki’s a full sized Frost Giant here doesn’t quite make sense, as he was supposed to be the runt of his family—even the Frost Giant Loki variant we saw in the TVA still looked to be Loki’s usual size—did being raised by Frost Giants really make that much of a difference? Was his size due to Odin’s magic too? Or is it that, in this universe, he wasn’t born a runt? As ever, I suspect the answer is something along the lines of “don’t think about it” followed by “too hard”).
But then there’s a sonic boom, heralding the arrival of Captain Marvel (Alexandra Daniels), who definitely knows how to make an entrance. She also tells him to clean up the mess and go home, but Thor proves recalcitrant, so she decks him. This starts an epic fight as the two quite literally punch each other across the planet (countries’ names appearing on them like something out of Looney Tunes), from Stonehenge—which Thor deliberately knocks over like a set of dominoes—to the Grand Canyon and then back to Paris. Thor wins round one by pinning her with Mjolnir and Carol is shamed as a ‘party pooper.’
Needless to say, Hill is not happy, as Fury told her that Carol’s punch was ‘equal to ten nuclear bombs’ and that her ‘cat could devour whole armies.’ Cue the Top Gun references when Darcy finds out the cat’s called Goose. Speaking of which, where is Goose? We haven’t seen her since the Captain Marvel post credits scene. All I’m saying is that, if we don’t see any more of that badass adorable flerken in at least the next piece of Captain Marvel-related media, I will not be a happy camper…
Carol points out that if she were to go all out she would risk blowing a crater in the planet and that bringing down Thor wouldn’t be worth the fatalities (though Darcy “helpfully” suggests one of the Dakotas). Jane gets a phone call from Thor asking her when he can see her again and Jane asks him to be honest with her, did his party at Alpha Star destroy the planet? Turns out, it wasn’t really a planet but a meteor, and it was burning apart anyway so they just helped it along. No one died and everyone, even Gary the baby goat got home safe (eventually). Hill thinks there are places on Earth that could withstand a hit from Captain Marvel. Jane points out that while Thor’s not the brightest crayon in the box, their plan is overkill and she refuses to be part of it. Hill tells her that her assistance is no longer required and she and Darcy are dumped back in Vegas. Jane tries to call Thor to warn him but Loki answers instead and, after a hilarious attempt at flirting, ends the call when he accidentally drops and smashes the phone. Then Darcy inadvertently comes up with the answer. What do you normally do when a teenager’s throwing a party that’s gotten out of control? Tell their parents. Jane realises that if there’s a Thor and a Loki, there must be an Odin, a Frigga and a Heimdall.
Meanwhile, the party is indeed getting wildly out of hand: the Frost Giants cause a Ferris wheel to detach and spin off; Surtur (Clancy Brown) flirts with the Statue of Liberty and breaks her arm off; Loki and the Frost Giants use the Casket of Ancient Winters to deface Mt. Rushmore and Surtur tries to limbo under some power lines and accidentally cuts plunges a huge swathe of America (I’m assuming) into darkness. We catch up with Thor in Australia, where the party has moved to the Sydney Harbour Bridge (where you’ll be able to spot Mantis and Miek in the crowd). Thor announces that he’s going slide down the Opera House but Captain Marvel arrives for round two, punching him out mid descent. Jane and Darcy (with some offscreen help from Eric Selvig) have managed to configure things to allow her to contact Heimdall. Heimdall beams Jane up to Asgard and then to where Frigga is where she tells her that Thor’s in trouble. Carol throws Thor to Siberia and Hill and Rumlow prepare to arm the nukes but, at the last moment, Frigga intervenes, projecting her image to Earth to ask Thor what the hell he’s playing at. Thor, realising that Jane told on him, tries to style out his presence on Earth as being part of a cultural exchange trip. Frigga says she has to see this for herself so she’s cutting her trip short, expecting to see his full syllabus when she arrives.
Hill orders everyone to stand down and Rumlow is rather petulantly disappointed that they never get to fire the nukes. (Not something you should be disappointed about! Though he is technically HYDRA at this point so it probably shouldn’t be surprising). Thor panics and begs Captain Marvel for her help but she just gives him the unhelpful advice of ‘start in the corners, clean your way outward.’ He returns to tell everyone that the party’s over and asks them to help him clean up… only to find that they’re not that keen, forcing him to show everyone why he’s the God of Thunder and uses his powers to scare everyone into listening to him, telling them that his mother is coming and that she is not happy. It seems that Thanos isn’t the only intimidating space parent as, at the mention of Frigga, everyone panics and agrees to help. Cue the “frantic-cleaning-up-the-evidence-before-the-parents-get-home” montage, while Frigga draws ever nearer (yes, normally Bifrost travel is instantaneous but “rule of funny”). When she arrives, it really does look like they’ve been studying the whole time. Carol even shows there’s no hard feelings, doing Thor a solid by arriving with ‘the information on human civilisations’ he “asked for”. She introduces herself to Frigga, who replies that she knows who she is and thanks her for helping ‘educate’ her son. Thor’s ruse almost works until he summons Mjolnir, giving him away by being covered in graffiti and a pair of underpants (yes it was fine a moment ago but, again, “rule of funny”).
We then cut back to Jane and Darcy’s van in the New Mexico desert. Thor arrives with a bouquet of flowers. He tells Jane that telling his mother on him wasn’t a cool thing to do but acknowledges that it was the right thing to do. They arrange to go on a date (apparently Thor knows a planet where everyone, even the waiters, are Unicorns) and the Watcher begins to wrap things up: ‘a world restored, love blossoming. As children, both human and Asgardian, say, together, they lived happily ever after.’ But then he blinks and says, ‘wait, what?’ Yes, the even the supposedly omniscient Watcher appears to have blind spots. What he didn’t see coming was a load of Ultron sentry drones, along with Ultron himself, in Vision’s body, with all six Infinity stones, appearing through a portal out of nowhere.
It looks as though the sh*t is about to well and truly hit the fan. Well, the levity was great while it lasted.
