Kelly Loy Gilbert, award-winning author of Picture Us In The Light and Conviction, is back with When We Were Infinite, which is a new powerful, heavy, and hopeful novel. What would you do to keep your close group of friends together when major events and the future both threaten your relationship? Beth is willing to do everything it takes.
Before anything, it is worth mentioning that this is a hard novel to read so we advise readers to check these content and trigger warnings and decide if this is something they feel like they can take. This novel requires trigger warnings for suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, racism and microagressions, academic stress, divorce, and domestic assault/abuse. That being said, let’s continue with the review.
When We Were Infinite follows Beth and her friends (who are all Asian or Asian American) in their senior year in high school in southern California. The story is told from Beth’s perspective, two years into university, as she looks back on their relationship and she reflects on the past and analyses their tight-bond and the experiences they lived. It is a transitional and confusing period for all of them as they have to start thinking about university and their future. We see them struggling with which major they should apply to and the pressures their families place upon them. Beth desperately wants the group to stay together and she wonders how strong their bond is, especially after things start to go downhill for them. Beth and Brandon witness their friend Jason—with whom Beth is secretly in love with—being hit by his dad. They worry about him and try to be there for him as much as they can whilst still keeping up with school and their music class extracurricular. However, at one point, Jason attempts suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. Miraculously, he survives, and despite Beth’s attempts to maintain their friendship as it had always been, the group starts to fracture little by little.
Kelly Loy Gilbert has a wonderful way of writing as it is a very vividly emotional book that explores such powerful heavy topics with light words. The author did a masterful job at building tension from the very start, because there’s hints that something will go wrong and cause a huge impact in the friend group. And as we watch said event unfold, the tension just keeps rising, as well as Beth’s desire and need to give more of herself to take care of everyone and to keep them together. It’s amazing how we, as readers, can feel every emotion Beth experiences in such a visceral way: her anxiety, her loyalty, her love, her anger, and her desperation. Everything feels maximised, which can make it hard to keep reading at times.
Gilbert seems to be a master at writing complex characters as well because Beth is someone that has always accommodated other people’s needs in hopes that they won’t leave her like her father did. At the same time though, there’s this contrast between her being a motherly figure within her friend circle and how terrible she treats her mother most of the time; when she’s just a woman who tries her best. You really feel for her mother. However, you can understand where Beth is coming from and how it’s all due to trauma. She can be a hard character to love, she is overprotective with her friendships and expects everyone to make the same decisions as her, when even she contradicts what she says, but she is a very real and raw character so you can also empathise with her. This is why you can see that Gilbert’s writing is great, because these are flawed characters, their decisions are questionable, yet real and you can’t help but feel for them. It really is devastating to see how Beth feels this need to tone herself down, and how she feels like she never comes first. But little by little, she starts valuing herself more.
That being said, the character development in this book is stunning, especially that of Beth, her mother, Jason, and Brandon. They’re the characters that felt more authentic and that stand out the most as actual real people, with their flaws and their strengths. They’re people who deal with tricky situations however best they can, and whose solutions to their problems aren’t as easy as black or white. On the other hand, the characters of Grace and Sunny did fall a bit flat at times. Yet, their friendship felt solid, palpable and utterly realistic. They’re loyal and caring and love each other so much. And the senior year experience will resonate with lots of teens. It’s the missing something before it’s over, and the bittersweet feeling of wanting to cherish the last few moments with the people you love before going your separate ways. Another beautiful thing this friendship had was how they all loved music and playing their instruments together. It was a nice touch.
In terms of representation, since this is a book with practically an all-Asian set of characters, there are quite a few things to discuss. We’re sure that the diverse and accurate depictions of Asian culture and characters as well as the relationship of immigrant parents and their kids depicted in the novel will surely resonate with a lot of people. Gilbert managed to capture the nuances and complexities of the diasporic experience and intergenerational trauma that Asian American families go through. And the nuances of Beth’s experience being biracial, and the comments she gets for “how Asian she isn’t”.
A couple of other things that the book did so well are one, the way Gilbert’s writing compels you to read on, how it traps you. Despite dealing with hard themes, you want to know more and follow these character’s stories. And also, the ending. The story wraps up on a hopeful note yet at the same time it maintains the uncertainty of a “happily-ever-after”, which makes it all the more real.
All in all, When We Were Infinite is a reflective, hopeful yet heavy read that will linger with the reader for a while. It is really a hard read, and it is easy to feel drained as you follow the story due to the heavy subjects: mental illness, suicide, domestic abuse, internalised racism, intergenerational conflict, and the stress placed upon teens. This is a lot to take in, and if you decide to read it, know that it is okay to take breaks.
When We Were Infinite is available from Amazon, Book Depository, and other book retailers, like your local bookstore, as of March 9th 2021.
Will you be picking up When We Were Infinite? Tell us in the comments below!
Synopsis | Goodreads
All Beth wants is for her tight-knit circle of friends—Grace Nakamura, Brandon Lin, Sunny Chen, and Jason Tsou—to stay together. With her family splintered and her future a question mark, these friends are all she has—even if she sometimes wonders if she truly fits in with them. Besides, she’s certain she’ll never be able to tell Jason how she really feels about him, so friendship will have to be enough.
Then Beth witnesses a private act of violence in Jason’s home, and the whole group is shaken. Beth and her friends make a pact to do whatever it takes to protect Jason, no matter the sacrifice. But when even their fierce loyalty isn’t enough to stop Jason from making a life-altering choice, Beth must decide how far she’s willing to go for him—and how much of herself she’s willing to give up.
