“There are enough closed doors and glass ceilings in the world. My comfort zone shouldn’t be one of them.”
Instead of living “out loud”, Quinn keeps most of her feelings, thoughts and desires to herself. Writing lists of all the things that make her up instead of sharing them with others, from “Things That I Would Never Admit Out Loud” to “All The Boys I Want to Kiss”, keeps Quinn sane. By writing all of her fears and lies she’s told down in her journal, she never has to face them in real life. That is, until her journal goes missing. And then someone starts sharing her lists, like the one where she admits to having faked her acceptance letter to Columbia, where her parents have always wanted her to go, on social media.
When the person holding her journal hostage starts blackmailing Quinn into doing things on her list under threat of posting more lists on social media, Quinn is distraught. With her most intimate details out for everyone to see, Quinn doesn’t know who to trust anymore. Desperate, she teams up with Carter Bennett – the last person to have seen her journal and one of the guys she penned down on her “Boys I Want to Kiss” list – to follow the blackmailer’s demands while also trying to uncover their identity. Together, they go on an epic journey of self-discovery and Quinn will learn that keeping everything to herself isn’t how life works…
Excuse Me While I Ugly Cry had me from the moment I read its title, and the premise was another top-selling point. This is a very character-driven, fast-paced read that stole a piece of my teenage (and journal-writing) heart. There’s a lot to love about this book—from its fleshed-out characters, to its depiction of complicated relationships (with friends and parents), every plot thread ties neatly together at the end.
The book also tackles (internalised) racism in a very realistic way. So often, it’s less about the big bullying moments and more about the microaggressions and blurted digs that people don’t even realise they are participating in. Quinn being unable to speak out when people call her “Oreo” (Black on the outside, but really white underneath it all) or use the N-Word when singing along to rap songs, or people telling her that they don’t even think about these things because they don’t see colour (cue eye roll here) was so infuriating and I think that a lot of people who are going to read this book will be able to relate to the struggle of wanting to blend in but also being true to your own identity without fear of exclusion.
The romance arc between Carter and Quinn is also so cute. It reminded me a lot of Peter Kavinsky and Lara Jean Song from To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before with a dash more vulnerability and heightened stakes. If you liked Lara, you’re sure going to fall head over heels for Quinn. As you follow along on Quinn’s exploration of what it means to hold yourself back just because you’re scared of getting hurt, you feel this prick of anxiety, and in my case, the wish to one day be as brave as Quinn and go for it—whatever it is for you, the reader.
Also, without spoiling too much, I loved how this book dealt with trust issues and the importance of honesty in relationships. There are some obstacles in Quinn and Carter’s way and even though both of them sometimes do the wrong things for somewhat right reasons, I appreciated the focus on working on a relationship instead of letting it all crash and burn just because it’s easier than putting in the work. It’s a healthy and fresh breath of air in recent YA novels and I for one love to see it.
The blossoming friendship between Quinn and Olivia is also an absolute highlight that I have to mention. Quinn finds a real friend in Olivia, who, because of Quinn’s white friends, she never really paid attention to, or felt intimidated by. Their friendship was one of support and honesty and pushing each other to grow, but never forcing them into things they didn’t want to do. It made my heart soar to see that friendship be just as valuable to Quinn as her relationship with Carter.
Lastly, Goffney aces the compulsively readable prose. The dialogue flows really well between the characters and descriptions are never drawn out, yet you still get a good sense of the story’s setting. All in all, I’m excited to see Goffney’s future works and think that this is a solid debut many readers will fall in love with. Also, Netflix—if you’re listening—this would make an epic movie, just saying.
Perfect for fans of To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, Excuse Me While I Ugly Cry is a fervent exploration of vulnerability, what it takes to get out of your comfort zone and the call to live your life without following anyone’s rules—least of all the ones you’ve set for yourself.
Excuse Me While I Ugly Cry is available from Amazon, Book Depository, and other good book retailers, like your local bookstore, as of May 4th 2021.
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Synopsis | Goodreads
Excuse Me While I Ugly Cry by debut author Joya Goffney is the story of an overly enthusiastic list maker who is blackmailed into completing a to-do list of all her worst fears. It’s a heartfelt, tortured, contemporary YA high school romance with epistolary elements. Fans of Jenny Han’s To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before and Kristina Forest’s debut I Wanna Be Where You Arewill love the juicy secrets, leap-off-the-page sexual tension and the enemy-to-lover romantic arc.
Quinn keeps lists of everything—from the days she’s ugly cried, to “Things That I Would Never Admit Out Loud,” to all the boys she’d like to kiss. Her lists keep her sane. By writing her fears on paper, she never has to face them in real life. That is, until her journal goes missing…
An anonymous account posts one of her lists on Instagram for the whole school to see and blackmails her into facing seven of her greatest fears, or else her entire journal will go public. Quinn doesn’t know who to trust. Desperate, she teams up with Carter Bennett—the last known person to have her journal—in a race against time to track down the blackmailer.
Together, they journey through everything Quinn’s been too afraid to face, and along the way, Quinn finds the courage to be honest, to live in the moment, and to fall in love.
