Guest post written by author Lynn Painter
Lynn Painter writes romantic comedies for both teens and adults. She is the author of Better Than The Movies and Mr. Wrong Number, as well as a regular contributor to the Omaha World-Herald. She lives in Nebraska with her husband and pack of wild children, and when she isn’t reading or writing, odds are good she’s guzzling energy drinks and watching rom-coms.
Guys, you’ve got a bad reputation.
Right or wrong, you’re considered abysmal texters. At best. And before you “not all men” me, I know that some of you, God bless your delicious thumbs, already bring a charismatic charm to your textual game, choosing to infuse your messages with wit and humor instead of cave-mannish finger-grunts of “fine” and “k.”
For that, we applaud you.
But to the monosyllabic gents who lean hard on “Yup,” I challenge you to do better. Not only for the sake of your textees, but for YOU, Sir Texter. You’re absolutely missing out on the opportunity to show that you’re a smart, funny person with a fully-functioning brain instead of a Jekyll/Hyde who might be a damn delight in person, but kind of seems like a wad over the phone.
You’re missing out, my friend, on the art of texting; the joy of textual banter.
Now, I’m not suggesting you abort brevity to text a sugary-sweet love letter or pound out multiple paragraphs enumerating your every waking thought; no one wants that, for the love of God.
But is it so difficult to show a tiny bit of your personality in your missives? Don’t you want to send a text that is on-brand for you – haha that is SO Ryan – instead of some snore-inducing generic message that could’ve come from any Chad, Alex or Devin?
Suppose a person you’ve been talking to sends a text in the middle of the day.
Person: Hey, you. How’s work going?
We know you’re busy at your job (probably), so we’re obviously not expecting a detailed accounting of your daily accomplishments. Odds are good we just want to touch base because we’re thinking about you, and then we’ll move on. We do have our own lives, after all.
Now, you could respond like this:
Fine. Hbu?
But – sigh – that is the texting equivalent of crossing your arms over your chest and scowling I’m busy. If you want this person to feel small and bothersome, that is absolutely an amazing text to send. Finger-stroke the crap out of those seven letters and feel good about it, bruh.
But if you don’t actually detest that person, why not send something more relaxed, instead?
You: I can’t seem to stop banging my head on my desk and praying for death. That’s normal, right?
Well, hello, Mr. Fun Guy.
That extra half-second you took to be self-deprecating and sarcastic via your little rectangular texting machine? 10/10 recommend. And I promise you that no one is going to look at the additional 12 words you banged out and think you’re eager to have the world’s longest text conversation.
They will, however, realize that you aren’t a tool and you aren’t boring.
Because banter is fun. We love banter. We’ll take banter for a thousand, Alex. A quick, off-the-cuff, mutually-engaging mini-conversation, laden with flirtatious energy and funny chemistry?
Yes, please.
Think about it.
Jim and Pam from The Office, Nick and Jess from New Girl, Harry Burns and Sally Albright from the classic When Harry Met Sally; these couples are adored because we have a blast witnessing their witty back-and-forth, right? They might have the occasional serious conversation, but it’s their silly, pointless, playful banter that charms the hell out of us.
So if you’ve got an extra few seconds when you’re sending a text (and you know that you do), freaking charm us already. Toss a little bit of your sarcastic sunshine our way, and we’ll hit you back, I promise.
The resultant conversation ultimately has the same context – how’s work/fine hbu/fine – but it just feels better. Warmer, funnier, and far more interesting.
And isn’t that kind of what we all want, anyway? To be considered warm, funny, and interesting?
Person: Hey, You. How’s work?
You: I can’t stop crying and banging my head on the desk. That’s normal, right?
Person: Of course. I’m mildly concussed and it’s not even lunchtime, so same.
You: Perhaps you should pull a fire alarm – guaranteed 30 min break.
Person: Judge said one more time and I’m being sent away. Guess I’ll just work.
You: Dammit, if you can do it, I can do it. Guess I’ll go work, too.
Person: Maybe don a helmet so as to protect your melon?
You: Good call, and your devotion to safety is commendable. #hero
Life can be busy and way-too-serious, but your text life doesn’t have to be. Just kick back, relax, and embrace the joy of textual banter.
