Like many children, Joanna Guest and her brother, Theo, received life advice, encouragement, and lessons learned from their parents. Unlike most children, however, these life lessons came in the form of handwritten, illustrated notes from their father. Notes that were written every school day for 14 years. Let that sink in for a moment. Incredible, right?
Joanna combed through over 3,500 of these notes to create Folded Wisdom: Notes from Dad on Life, Love, and Growing Up, a beautifully curated collection published in May 2019. Both Joanna and her father, Bob, kindly sat down with The Nerd Daily to answer some questions about the process of writing these notes, developing the book, and a few of their favourite things.
Folded Wisdom: Notes from Dad on Life, Love, and Growing Up is available from Amazon, Book Depository, and other good book retailers. You can also read our review here.
Joanna, you were working in politics before you decided to move home and begin putting Folded Wisdom together. What was the catalyst to take on such a project at this particular point in your life?
Joanna: There are quite a few answers to this question… Namely the outcome of the 2016 election. I spent the evening of November 9th drinking wine with my mom and I told her that what I wanted more than anything was a note from my dad. I think that craving coupled with a desire to do something that I knew would make me happy on a day-to-day basis and could ultimately create something tangible and meaningful all melded together into reason enough to pack my bags and move back home into my parents house.
It must have been an incredible undertaking to put this book together, considering that you started with over 3,500 notes! What sort of process did you use to sort the notes and select which ones you wanted to feature in the book? How long did it take you to do this?
J: I moved home thinking we probably had around 500 notes in total. When I arrived, my mom had gathered a little over 1,200. By the time the two of us had finished sifting through old boxes of “stuff,” we had 3,500. It was crazy. My dad’s friend built us a custom software program that helped me organise the scanned notes by transcribing, tagging, dating, and categorising them. I started whittling as I went; reading and re-reading the notes, and trying to identify which ones were especially meaningful; succinctly delivered an important message; had the best illustrations; were universally funny or cute. Ultimately I got down to about 300 “really good notes.” Then came writing the book, which, as it stands, has (what feels to me like) only 70 complete notes in it. Celadon offered to publish the book almost a year to the date after I moved home.
Bob, although only a small fraction of the notes that you wrote were included in Folded Wisdom, seeing them is awe-inspiring. It is difficult to imagine that you wrote thousands more! Your writing is simple, yet profound and it is deeply moving how you used these notes to communicate with your children so clearly, so transparently. The book indicates that the process of writing was also beneficial for you. Could you talk a bit about what you learned through writing these notes and how you may have grown or changed over the years because of them?
Bob: You know, the notes gave me a daily outlet – they kept me from getting blocked up, in my own head, and allowed me to express myself every day, which was a gift to myself. And hopefully (it seems) to the kids themselves.
Since your father started writing these notes when you and your brother were so young, it must have felt like a very natural part of your life. At what point did you realise that not every child got notes like these, that your father was doing something really special?
J: I think my first clue that this wasn’t a normal routine came from my friends – who often would ask if they could read the notes alongside me. Sometimes, if I knew a note was going to be especially hard (because we had a fight the night before, or I had said something regrettable to Theo, or my softball team had blown a big game), I would make sure to open the note in a private place.
When Senior year approached, my friends realised that if they could talk their way into a sleepover on a school night, they, too, would get a morning note from Bob. It became a real race that year to figure out ways to have late night “study groups” that we could turn into sleepovers…
Bob, what other advice might you have for parents to connect and communicate with their children in a meaningful way as they grow up?
B: Assume you have something to say. Everybody has something to impart – whether it’s a profound thought or just a story about yourself. I think it’s important to just do it, however that works for you — whether it’s having a conversation, going to the park, writing it down. Embracing that idea of sharing yourself has been so rewarding for me.
In the book you talk about how the notes have even more meaning looking at them collectively as an adult than when you were receiving them originally. Can you talk a little more about what your reaction was to receiving the notes as a child versus reading them again now, as an adult? Do you have certain notes or lessons that stand out in your mind from when you were young?
J: When I was receiving the notes, the ones I remember most were pretty specific – about a certain test or an upcoming game. I remember reading some of those notes again and again throughout the day to give me a boost of encouragement. He’d remind me to breathe. Let me know I had studied as much as I could and would therefore do the best I could. Things like that. When I revisited the notes, there were so many that I realised were filled with more broad and beautiful life lessons that I must’ve internalised without fully appreciating in the moment. Perhaps that’s because I was a self-conscious middle schooler, or a distracted 8 year old, or a too-cool high schooler. Who knows. But I found a greater appreciation for what was inside each and every page as I read this go around. Not to mention, I was reading all of Theo’s notes (with his blessing), which I had never seen before. Time also allowed for me to develop a new appreciation for the process, the morning routine – which I had always considered my own version of normal.
The book references that you, obviously, have found different ways to continue delivering messages to your children since they graduated high school and you stopped writing these notes. What are some of the ways that you have been able to maintain a similar sort of open communication? Have there been any special occasions where you have gone back and written a note for Joanna or Theo as adults?
B: It’s funny because we came up with this “end date” for the notes – I’d stop writing when each of my children graduated from high school. And it was kind of an arbitrary decision, but part of me was ready to let go of it at that point. I had prepared myself for that date, and when it came it was like I had just finished a good book. So now that the notes are done, I don’t have a specific formula or routine, I really just try to be available for my kids. We text. We talk. It’s more of a general philosophy of “being there” as they get older and need different kinds of support. And I always write birthday cards.
In the book, Joanna discusses how you did not wrote these notes with the intention that they would never be “revisited.” Yet here you are with many of them published in a book for all the world to see! How do you feel about your personal writing, drawings, and thoughts being out there for anyone to read?
B: Before the book was published, early on, I have to say I wasn’t 100% sure I loved the idea. But as Joanna organised the notes, and eventually began writing the book, I became more and more excited about it. I’m proud of the book and the idea behind it. I’m proud of my daughter for doing it – her ability to step aside from her other career path and commit herself completely to the project. Right now, no matter how many books are sold or who sees it, the experience for Joanna and the experience for me just feels totally worth it. There are often moments when I read things in the book and say to myself, “wow, did I really say that?” And I read parts of the book over and over again and just think that it’s really a beautiful testament to, sure, me, and who I was to my kids as they were growing up… but it’s also filled with lessons and surprises and moments for me to remind myself that this is who I continue to want to be.
The book mentions that your mother/wife never read the notes through the years, with her reason being that they were not written for her. As you began preparing for this book, did she finally read them all? What has been her reaction as she has seen them?
J: I’m not sure she’s read all of them, but she’s definitely read a ton at this point. Glo (my mom) is the not-so-secret hero of this whole story when you think about it. She was the one who, without confirming her suspicion, thought that the notes were filled with something beautiful. And so she saved them, and after a decade, she’s been proven right.
B: Right off the bat as she started re-opening the boxes of saved notes, she came up with this funny system for “rating” the notes. It was something I had a hard time with understanding, but in her mind, there were “A,” “B,” and “C” notes. In the moment as I was writing, I never thought about them as having an overarching trajectory… or being graded by an outside audience. So, again, that was weird for me. But I realise there was a reason for it, and a purpose in her and Joanna reading and re-reading and re-reading to understand which notes actually were worth sharing.
One thing that stood out to me with each and every note is the focus on love. Each one was signed “love” or said “I love you” somewhere within. Not all families say “I love you” or express their feelings so openly. Can you talk a little bit about why this was so important to include in the notes and the effect that it had on the children “hearing” this on a daily basis?
B: In my own life, the message of love in my family as I was growing up was implicit and implied, but not constantly reinforced with words. So I don’t know why it’s so important to me to say that kind of stuff explicitly and out loud – it’s not like it was how I grew up and I wanted to pass that on. But it’s been important to me, ever since I fell in love with my wife, to express love and say it. It was one of those things that I felt like I couldn’t say it enough.
J: I often refer to this book as a love story. My dad is a really loving guy – it’s an emotion that he’s in tune with. He continues to be curious about what love means, how it grows, and when / why we should express it. Because he couldn’t be with us throughout the days as we were growing up, the “I love you’s” (I think) originally almost served as an: “I miss you while we’re apart.” Over time, he realized that teaching someone how to love is not something everyone gets to experience (for many reasons, including that opening your heart up can be scary) – he knew this and wanted us to be educated on the emotion, and so he gave it his best shot while expressing his own feelings for the two of us again – and again – and again.
How has the process of writing and developing this book influenced your career aspirations? What do you see as being “next” for you?
J: Ha! My mother asks me the same question… often. The answer is that I don’t know. This whole experience has been rewarding for me in so many unexpected ways that I’m allowing myself to enjoy this moment of bringing the book into the world. I’m so grateful that my agent Gail Hochman and the people at Celadon Books believed in this story and gave me the opportunity to share it with a wider audience. They’ve helped me reach this really wondrous moment of success that I’ll cherish forever. And I’ll get back to the working world again, but for now, I’m enjoying this!
What do you most hope readers will take away from their experience with Folded Wisdom?
B: The book tells one man’s effort to share with his kids his thoughts on life, our family, and how we were all growing up together. I shared these feelings through daily notes but I think the important thing for people to feel is empowered to share their own wisdom. Everybody has something to share – their perspective, their feelings, their love. And however it works for you to do it, I think you should just do it. The book to me highlights the importance of communication. The people who you love, and who love you, they want to know. They want to know that you’re interesting, and have something to share. I didn’t realise that I had some “special gift” – who knows if I even do – I just tried to share myself.
J: I hope most people come away with a renewed sense of how they’re going to commit to and share in love with others. With their friends, or family members, or new babies, or parents, or anyone else. Communicating isn’t easy – and we’ve lost a lot of our ability to do so in a thoughtful and open manner because our environment today rewards speed and efficiency. My dad wasn’t looking to be quick or truly all that efficient as he wrote to us – he wanted to sit down and express, and that could take as long as the morning would allow, and end up with him weaving through various different thoughts as he went. There’s still a lot of good in this world, and I think it’s important to find it, and sit with it every once in a while. I hope that this book allows folks to do just that.
Let’s Get Nerdy: Behind the Writer (and Her Father!) with 9 Quick Questions
First book that made you fall in love with reading?
Joanna: Charlie Parker Played Be-Bop by Chris Raschka. My dad used to read it to us all the time as kids and I can still hear his voice whenever I think about it.
Bob: Tom Swift and his Ultrasonic Cycloplane by Victor Appleton II
3 books you would take on a desert island?
J: Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach because I’d need to force myself to find some peace; We Are Never Meeting in Real Life by Samantha Irby because I’d be desperate to laugh; and probably an art book on the Van Gogh museum because I’d be craving a change of scenery.
B: Les Miserables. The Brothers Karamazov. The Confederacy of Dunces. I don’t know how I came up with those three, but I’m sticking with it.
Movie that you know by heart?
J: My Cousin Vinny.
B: It’s A Wonderful Life. I cry every time.
Song that makes you want to get up and dance?
J: I’m having a moment with “BedRock” by Young Money.
B: I’m known to dance to pretty much everything.
Place that everyone should see in their lifetime?
J: The Brooklyn Bridge
B: Yellowstone National Park
Introvert or extrovert?
J: I exhibit signs of both; though perhaps extrovert more often.
B: Extrovert
Coffee, tea, or neither?
J: Black coffee and whatever iced tea my mom has in her fridge.
B: Coffee
First job?
J: Camp Counselor at Creative Arts Camp in Brooklyn.
B: Newspaper boy in Omaha, Nebraska
Person you admire most and why?
J: My dad! Isn’t it obvious??
B: Abraham Lincoln because he was a great communicator. And he sought to build bridges between wildly different points of view. He tried to bring people together; to heal and not divide. He knew that he was supposed to be a leader of people who hated him just as much as those people who loved what he stood for – and he tried to work within that framework and make good things happen.
About the Author: Joanna Guest is a proud daughter who enjoys talking loudly and often about her family. She left a career in politics to focus on Folded Wisdom. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Family Studies and Human Development from the University of Arizona, and a Master’s of Public Policy from Georgetown University. Folded Wisdom is her first book and she looks forward to someday plagiarizing her dad’s sentiments to her own children.
