Guest post written by Sad Girl Hours author Anna Zoe Quirke
Anna Zoe Quirke is a queer and autistic author and librarian from the North of England. She currently lives in Manchester with her partner, Rachael, and their very angry tortoise, Sheldon. They’re at their happiest writing stories about queer and neurodivergent people finding and claiming their place in the world, exploring the literary wonders of the UK, or making a big ol’ mess in the kitchen baking things for their loved ones. Their debut novel Something to be Proud of was nominated for the Carnegie Medal for Writing.
About Sad Girl Hours: Saffron struggles with seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and is dreading autumn and winter. She took time off in her first year at university and can’t afford to do the same this year if she’s going to achieve her dream of being an astrophysicist. She’s managed to keep it a secret from her friends – fearing that they won’t want to spend time with her if they see her at her lowest – but it’s getting harder. Especially when she meets Nell. Nell – wannabe poet, autistic and proud, and lover of autumn and winter – is determined to show Saffron everything these seasons have to offer. The two grow close, and when Saffron confides in Nell, romance blooms. But with Saffron struggling to keep a lid on her mental health and Nell figuring out her own sexual identity, things soon spiral out of control.
When you ask authors about the inspiration behind their book, they don’t often respond with receipts. And with most stories I’ve written, I don’t think I could pinpoint exactly where the inspiration for them came from – it’s usually come from a million tiny places, experiences, interactions, hopes, that all tangled together into a character or plot point that then either politely asked to be let in or demanded that I write about them.
With my latest book, Sad Girl Hours, this was not the case. At some point in (I think) late 2021, I was talking to a now ex-girlfriend about the seasons. I was saying that I couldn’t really pick a favourite season out of spring, summer or autumn, but that winter was definitely my least favourite because of how dark it is and the effect that has on my brain. She countered that by sharing the reasons why she loved winter, and I sent the below message back:
Yes, I don’t hate some wintery things (the run up to Christmas, pretty lights, fires, fluffy snow) but I definitely still see winter as something to be endured to get to spring rather than something fun on its own.
This was then swiftly followed up with:
(this has just given me another book idea ffs)
I vividly remember having the idea for Sad Girl Hours as I was typing that message. It came to me so strongly that I took a screenshot of the message, because I knew that I was going to have to write this story and that I might want to look back on exactly where the idea came from. As it turns out, I was absolutely correct. Early 2023, I signed a two-book deal for my debut novel, Something to be Proud Of, which came out in June last year, and Sad Girl Hours, out September 4th this year.
That, of course, is a vastly simplified version of where Sad Girl Hours came from. To go a little bit deeper, I’d have to go much further back than 2021.
Our main characters are Saffron and Nell. Saffron is an astrophysics nerd with seasonal affective disorder that she tries to keep hidden from her new friends at university, as past relationships have taught her that she’s too hard to love when she’s depressed. Her new friend, Nell, is an autistic poet who loves all things seasonal and cosy and, when she learns that Saffron hates autumn and winter (but not the reasons why), makes it her mission – armed with a very comprehensive bucket list of seasonal activities – to convert Saffron.
Unintentionally, I created characters that represent the two halves of my brain, and I made them fall in love with each other. One half, the fierce hater of winter and darkness, the other, determined to make the most of things and romanticise life at any opportunity I can either find or create.
When I was younger, younger even than the characters in the book, I went through a really dark period of my life. I struggled immensely with my mental health, and I had a great many hospitalisations because of that. All of which, I later realised, began in autumn or winter.
It was definitely not as simple for me as, it gets dark, I suddenly become mentally unwell, I go into hospital. I was definitely not well even in the lighter months, but it’s still wild to me that no one ever put together the fact that all of my hospitalisations began in autumn and winter, and usually ended the following spring or summer, ready for the cycle to begin again come October.
Seasonal depression definitely compounded my other mental health struggles – in spring and summer, it’s a little bit easier for me to cope with hard things. The days are lighter and longer, and it feels as though it takes less effort for my brain to get the things that it needs.
I haven’t struggled as acutely with my mental health since I was a teenager, but seasonal affective disorder definitely still impacts my life every year, as it does to so many other people I know. Which is why it’s baffling to me that I have never read a book that features a character with SAD. There may be a few out there that I’ve just yet to come across, but it still feels strange to me that it’s not something that’s talked about a lot more. I think that’s why, when I typed out that message, I knew it was something I had to write about – I didn’t really have a choice.
Sad Girl Hours is an important book to me in so many ways. It offers seasonal depression representation that – if I’d had when I was younger – might have helped me put some things together a lot sooner. And it features characters who learn how to exist in the world with their brains and bodies and how to treat themselves with a little softness when things get hard. It is also – I sincerely hope – silly, romantic, joyfully queer, and full of peak cosy vibes to hunker down with this autumn. I’m very glad that I had that conversation nearly four years ago, so that Sad Girl Hours could be born. Just like how I’m glad that I get to live in a place now where the Saffron and Nell-led parts of my brain get to (relatively peacefully) coexist. I hope that you find something you need inside it too, even if it’s just a warm, cosy and radically accepting place to land for a few hours.
